Comics

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Limited Emotional Spectrum

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Memo to the ultimate reactionary intersection: YOU ARE PREDICTABLE.

So, DC Comics is introducing yet another Green Lantern. Specifically, yet another Sector 2814 Green Lantern, bringing the grand total to five, all of whom ignore most of the sector and just hang out on Earth. Other sectors get one Green Lantern, but Earth is apparently a high-crime area, requiring a quintet of space policemen each wielding one of the universe's most powerful weapons just to keep it in line.

The new GL is Simon Baz, an Arab and Muslim from Michigan. That's the good news. He's also apparently a former car thief and suspected terrorist. I don't know if he's a suspected terrorist because he's Muslim, but if I know comics, I can pretty much guarantee that within six issues, he'll have a younger brother who starts following a radical imam.

The other bad news is that this got national press. This, of course, has led to the ultimate reactionary combination making its presence known - Islamophobic, newspaper-commenting comics nerds. And the people at the New York Post and New York Daily News did not disappoint. Wait, let me rephrase that. They did not surprise. They did definitely disappoint.

"What will his superpowers be? A suicide vest?" - No, "RI Cy", because he's not a fucking terrorist. Also, a suicide vest isn't a superpower, it's a normal power normal humans have and use.

"No such thing as a Muslim hero." - Why does Jason Donna Kritz hate our troops? Some of our troops are Muslims, and I guess, according to him, they're not heroes. He should find out when they're coming back from their third or fourth tour of duty so he can spit on 'em.

"At Justice League of America headquarters Superman takes a sniff and says to Batman: Batman do you smell that odor? Batman says: Yes Superman Green Lantern was here." - I'd like to thank Corey Citrin for just straight-out going full-bore racist with that one. Plus, you've got to love a New Yorker complaining about a bad odor. I like the city, but it's pretty much five boroughs of stale urine.

"Will he grovel to Allah five times a day and starve himself during the day for a month every year? Will he step in to prevent the Coptic girls being raped in order to convert them to islam? How about the palestinian girls set on fire for being pregnant? How about stopping islamic terrorism? When do we get Hindu, Christian, Jewish, and Buddhist superheroes? How about preventing the murder of islamites who convert to Christianity?"

Well, "MJAZZ", that's a lot of questions. Let's take them in order.

I don't know, but I'm pretty sure at least one of the alien invasions the Christian superheroes fought off took place, at least in part, on a Sunday morning. The whole fish on Fridays during Lent thing isn't really touched upon, though.

Maybe. It depends on how many hysterical right-wing e-mail lists Geoff Johns is on, but since the DC Universe Egypt may be in a different place politically than ours, he might not turn his Green Lantern run into a recitation of every hysterical anti-Muslim thing he sees on the Internet.

How about the American girls forced to give birth to their brother-rape babies thanks to Christian politicians?

How about stopping intergalactic terrorism? GREEN LANTERN, ASSHOLE.

Deadman, Most Of Them Including An Actual Fucking Heavenly Angel, Batwoman and Doc Samson, One of the Doctor Lights and Judomaster.

I'm sure if that happens somewhere in the greater Detroit area, or somewhere around Oa, Baz will get right the fuck on that.

In other words, a bunch of assholes used this news to project every single bad thing they've been told about any Muslim onto this fictional Muslim from a place where buildings are knocked down by violence at a rate of one every seven and a half minutes.

They're like the Injustice League of Post-Racial America.

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