You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Memo to Scott Walker: WAIT, WHAT?
I haven't turned my attention to the Wisconsin recall election recently, which is understandable, but it also might be a bit of a problem in Wisconsin's gubernatorial recall election. See, Scott Walker hit peak awfulness fourteen months ago. Fourteen months ago, everybody knew Scott Walker was an asshole. By the time his recall election rolls around, it'll be twenty-one months, That's a long-ass time to hold a political grudge. The public attention span is way too short for that.
Sure, Walker's done his part, mainly by being Scott Walker, but more recently by repealing an equal pay law right in the middle of the Republican Scuffle To Keep Vaginas Down, but with a fairly evenly divided state to begin with, and the lack of persistence of memory, you'd have to guess that Walker is feeling pretty fucking confident these days.
I say you'd have to guess, of course, because you actually would have to guess. Actually listening to the news out of Wisconsin and the words out of Scott Walker's mouth won't give you any clues to what's going on.
First, there was an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, where Walker sent what a kind soul would call "mixed signals", and an unkind soul would call "covering all the bases and blaming whatever happens on God. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"God’s got a plan for us that, who knows where it might be, beyond just serving as Governor of this state, but if we stay true to that, there's comfort, and God's grace is abundant no matter what you do, and it just - every step of the way, what I've tried to do..." - Honestly, I can't even transcribe the rest of it. It's digressive and rambling. There's a part of me that really thought these ultra-religious types actually made sense to each other in private, but what the fuck.
Anyway, the point is, Scott Walker might win and go on to other things, he might lose and go on to other things, it's all in God's hands. Well, God and the Wisconsin GOP, who are in fact putting up six different Republicans to run as Democrats in the primary election. Basically, the plan is to clog the ballot and confuse the voters, and it's all perfectly legal in Wisconsin, I guess, because a judge ruled on it and everything.
And I don't have a problem with that, really. If the system is stupid enough to allow that, relying only on the good offices of the fine people of Wisconsin to keep from abusing the election law in such a manner, then Wisconsin earned its own self-fucking. I mean, the same damn thing happened in the Senate recall last year, so if they wanted to stop it, all they had to do was pass a law through the Senate that was pulling the dirty tricks the first time, and get the governor planning to use the dirty tricks a second time to pass it.
Still, it seems to me that fucking around with the primary that chooses your opponent is slightly at odds with the peaceful man who told the Christian Broadcasting Network that his life is in God's hands. It's also at odds with the governor who told newspapers that, well, I'd better give you the whole thing.
"I am not afraid to lose. If you are doing things for the right reason, you should never be afraid to lose."
I bet he's at least a little bit afraid to lose. You don't fuck with the process if you're not afraid to lose. You don't try and foment a fear of largely imaginary left-wing bogeymen, like Moveon.org and "out-of-state unions", unless you're afraid to lose. If you're doing things for the right reasons, surely you can just explain those reasons to the people of Wisconsin, and "the most radical elements on the left" won't be able to sway millions of hard-working Midwestern cheeseheads, right? Right?
Actually, he probably is right. THere have been at least fifty different outrages since Madison took to the streets in February of last year. And Wisconsin's had plenty of time to get used to having a teabagging, proselytizing, union-busting asshole in charge.