You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
Memo to Texas: CAN YOU MAKE IT WORSE?
The Texas governor race is already pretty fucking nuts as it is. We've got Republican attorney general Greg Abbott against Wendy Davis, who rose to prominence in a bold, if ultimately futile, attempt to keep Texas from sliding back into Coat Hanger Alley.
Already, we've had right-wing anti-choice groups organizing a Girl Scout Cookie boycott because the Girl Scouts endorsed Davis, and Abbott supporters claiming the "Stand With Wendy" slogan is somehow unfair to Abbott, who is paralyzed from a spinal cord injury.
Add in the whole "Wendy Davis said she was a single mother when she was only separated, not divorced" bit which turned into "Wendy Davis abandoned her children and milked her sugar daddy husband for a free college education" bit because that's how Republicans roll, and you'd have to get pretty fucking crazy to make the election any crazier.
Good news, then! Texas is one of those weird states where Lieutenant Governor is its own separate race, and the four people vying for the Republican nomination? Guess what Texas has a choice among?
"I don’t think we have to live in a state where we need to apologize for being a Christian. ... It is something that most Texans believe in, and our children need to be exposed to this.” - Agriculture Commissioner and candidate Todd Staples.
“Christians have yielded to the secular left,” - State senator and candidate Dan Patrick.
What are they talking about? Well, let me turn it over to incumbent David Dewhurst, since I can't find a proper direct quote for the fourth candidate, Jerry Patterson, just indications that he agrees.
"I happen to believe as a Christian in creationism, but I understand that it alone cannot be taught" - Dewhurst, pretending to be gracious.
Yes, we've got a barbershop quartet of creationists, who, at best, are willing to acknowledge that evolution should also be taught. You know, alongside creationism AND intelligent design. Equally. Because intelligent design and creationism wouldn't team up on evolution like two evil wrestlers in a three-man match.
And despite the weird wet dreams about the burgeoning population of Austin and the possibility of turning Texas into a blue state, one of these fucking yahoos is almost certainly going to hold the post for years to come. So I'm sure you'll all find it comforting that the lot of them thinks it was wrong to honor the brain-dead woman's wishes by taking her and her brain-dead fetus off life support a couple weeks ago.
Texas' decision this fall couldn't be clearer if it were the odds of them fucking that decision up. That's pretty fucking clear.