Embryo Fetishism

Domo Arigato, Dr. Seducto

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Memo to Scott DesJarlais: AND NOW, THE NITTY AND THE GRITTY.

Where were we? Oh, yes. ONE MORE ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"A pro-life, family-values congressman who worked as a doctor before winning election as a Tea Party-backed Republican had an affair with a patient and later pressured her to get an abortion, according to a phone call transcript obtained by The Huffington Post."

Goddamn, I still get a little emotionally... erect reading that. Anyway, the key words for today's column are "phone call transcript". Yesterday, I mentioned that the call took place in 2000, 12 years ago. I have since done the necessary Googling and learned that at the time of this call, DesJarlais was 36 years old, so no points for youthful indiscretion.

What the transcript reveals is that Scott DesJarlais is a garden-variety douchebag who slept around, didn't care about how he's not supposed to fuck his patients, and when his wayward sperm came home to roost, finally found someone's life more valuable than the alleged "innocent" fetus. His own, of course.

"Well, I didn't want to be in your life either, but you lied to me about something that caused us to be in this situation, and that's not my fault, that's yours."

Oh, my. I believe, ladies and gentlemen, that is the party of personal responsibility in action. What ever happened to the Reagan doctrine of "trust, but verify"? Guess when it comes to heat-seeking moisture missiles, it's just "trust." That's an awful lot of faith in the honesty of an upstanding citizen coming from Dr. Seducto.

Of course, DesJarlais repeatedly refers to the pregnancy as a "problem" that needs to be "fixed" or "solved". Which is fine with me. That's honest. That's, dare I say it, accurate under the circumstances. It's the pro-life movement's insistence that this attitude, and the medical procedure associated it, is an unspeakable crime against humanity that I have a problem with. And, of course, the fact that DesJarlais subscribed to that pro-life view, at least in public.

And of course, there was the classic back and forth of her wanting him with her, and him saying of course he'd go if he can find the time. We know what that means. That he'll go if he has to, but if his examining room fling wouldn't mind taking herself down and getting things done without him, preferably while it's still the first trimester, he wouldn't complain.

According to the transcript, this was because, among other things (those other things being an unwillingness to be linked to this woman and pay child support until at least 2019) Dr. Seducto wanted the problem "solved" so that he could reconcile with his wife. Of course, presumably, the problem did indeed get solved, but his wife, thankfully, still divorced his sorry, future-teabagging ass.

The larger point in all this remains. Most sex, including, yes, creepy unethical unprotected sex between a Republican doctor from Tennessee and one of his patients, is recreational, and not procreational. Given the option, most everyone, including, yes, creepy unethical Republican doctors from Tennessee, would like to decide which recreational sex encounters lead to making a baby and which ones do not.

The pro-life movement, of which DesJardains was ostensibly a member, is all about punishing recreational sex based on antiquated, never-relevant notions of purity. But everyone has recreational sex, so the pro-life movement seeks, essentially, to punish us all. Women more than men, yes, but to at least some extent, all of us. And when push came to push along with the contractions, Scott DesJardains didn't want to be punished either.

And if this stupid shithead shouldn't get punished for decades for an icky lapse in judgment, neither should anyone else.

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