Embryo Fetishism

Feeling Taxed

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Memo to the Womb Patrol: WOW.

One of the central premises of this column is that you cannot meaningfully engage with an individual or group that does not follow the basic rules of logic and reason. You can't negotiate with them, you can't convince them, you shouldn't argue with them. All you can do is mock them mercilessly and try to discredit them with society, or at least 51% of the voting public, in the hopes that they don't have much say in what actually happens in the world.

It is not, as we all know too well, a terribly effective technique. But it's all we have to deal with these fuckers. How do you recognize someone who does not follow the basic rules of logic and reason? Well, the easiest way to spot them is to catch them in the Wingnut Paradox. To use the vaguely-remembered official language of logic from my college days, the Wingnut Paradox reads as follows:

  • A is bad.
  • B = A
  • Therefore, B is good.

The latest example of the Wingnut Paradox is the No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act, currently winding its way through the teabagger-rife House of Representatives. Now, we've already got a largely untenable situation in which no taxpayer dollars pay for abortions except in the cases of rape or incest, because Democrats are pussies and think that giving in by inches on reproductive rights is better than confronting voters' squicky attitudes. Which allows Republicans to limit abortion even further and propose things like this act.

Under the bill, the IRS would be put in charge of auditing and investigating women who had an abortion to make sure they'd complied with every single applicable law regarding paying for abortions. Which means they'd have to prove they were raped, or the victim of incest, or that their life was in danger, to the IRS. And that's just the existing law, the Hyde Amendment.

The embryo-fetishists also want to make sure that you didn't get a tax credit from something else, then used that money to pay for an abortion. Or got the government to pay some of your health insurance, and that health insurance covers abortion. Or whatever other ridiculous, misogynist, right-wing bullshit they've thought up in the past week.

This is roughly the equivalent of me putting an addendum on my 1040 that asks the IRS to ensure that my tax money only pays for the bombs in Libya that didn't kill any innocent civilians, except that the government would be able to track down everyone involved in the bombings and question them and they'd get in serious bureaucratic and financial trouble if they got caught, even if my requirements are largely convoluted and impossible to truly implement.

And in addition to being reprehensible on its own merits, this act is a clear example of the Wingnut Paradox. Because after Obamacare passed, what was one of the big objections we heard from the same fuckmonkeys that are rallying behind this bill? That the IRS would be investigating whether or not you'd bought mandatory health insurance. That the dreaded IRS, hated foe of libertarian tax dodgers across the US, the cheer-when-their-office-gets-hit-by-a-plane IRS, the claim-the-guy-was-a-lone-crazy-when-you-get-caught-cheering IRS, was going to be hiring tens of thousands of agents to POLICE Obamacare. And this was an assault on individual freedom that would not stand!

You can only have your individual freedom assaulted if you're poor and a woman, I guess. The IRS needs to be harassing sexual assault victims with audits, because nothing is more sacred to the non-sapient bundles of cells who wrote this shitty legislation than the non-sentient bundles of cells God puts in ladies' tummies.

That's not reason. That's not logic. That's crazy. And when you negotiate with crazy, the best you can end up with is HALF the walls padded and smeared with shit. And that's not a win for anybody.

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