You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
Memo to Mike Huckabee, Neil Cavuto, and Drake Bell: YOU ARE DUMB.
As generally awful as Caitlyn Jenner and her brood of weird fame-hounds have been, there's no denying that her Vanity Fair cover has put transgender issues at the forefront of the American media landscape in a way it's never been before. And most of them handled it pretty well, except for the weirdos and freaks, who of course fucked it up because IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
"Now I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE. I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.’” - Mike Huckabee, actual presidential campaign, weighing in on transgender rights.
Ignoring, to the extent possible, Huckabee's blatant and willful misunderstanding and misrepresentation of the nature of gender identity, do we really want to elect a president in 2016 who fundamentally doesn't understand the way the Internet has changed society? Because that's what Huckabee's doing here.
I mean, how can Huckabee not be aware that it's no longer necessary to engage in Porky's-level wacky schemes and trickery in order to catch a glimpse of a naked girl in a shower? All they need is a phone and a WiFi access point. And as an added bonus, the naked shower girls they'll be looking at consented to it (mostly, anyway - the ethics of Internet pornography are iffy but are definitly an improvement over "spying on mostly underage high school girls in their shower")
"Rome, final days. But that’s fine." Fox News' Neil Cavuto, "reporting" on Caitlyn Jenner's decision to identify as, well, Caitlyn Jenner.
Nope. Nope, nope nope nope nope. I mean, it's bad enough that conservatives have convinced themselves that Ancient Rome, which, by the way, they conflate and use interchangeably with Ancient Greece, collapsed solely because of their public acceptance of homosexuality, which, by the way, they conflate and use interchangeably with being transgender. That whole thing is consistently and persistently fucked in the head.
But more specifically, one woman who used to be a man goes on one Vanity Fair cover and it's the collapse of empire? While global warming is taking all the water meant for California and sending it to drown everyone in Texas? Get your goddamn priorities straight, Cavuto. What name Caitlyn Jenner asks you to call her and what pronoun she asks you to use for her doesn't actually affect you negatively in any way, shape or form. Any effect it has on you is entirely internally generated. For example.
"Sorry, still calling you Bruce.” - Drake Bell, some musician I don't know, fucking up on Twitter.
Why? What's it to you, dickfuck I had to Google just to learn that you're just a bland little produce of the American entertainment-industrial complex? Why do you feel compelled to make this weird, unnecessary stand for someone who you will probably never need to call by name? Why do you care?
Here's a tip to all of you. If you all stop acting like Official Self-Appointed Traditional Gender Role Vigilantes, nothing will happen. Well, OK, people who understand that nobody ever benefited from the enforcement of traditional gender roles will be slightly less annoyed with you, but other than that, nothing will happen. Nobody asked you to be the George Zimmerman of the gender neighborhood. Stand down.