Science

Higgs Morons

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Memo to Star-Tribune commenters: YOU ARE WHY WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.

Yesterday, they announced that, tomorrow, they would be announcing some pretty damn conclusive findings in support of the existence of the Higgs boson. I don't know a lot about the kind of high-energy experimental physics at play here, but this does cross over into my area of expertise in one specific way. See, I know that the Higgs boson is frequently referred to by the nickname "the God particle", because its existence would confirm certain fundamental theories of how the universe works.

And I know fucktards.

Fucktards see a story, say, in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, about scientists having solid indirect evidence of something like "the God particle", and the comments section is going to be an absolute fool's gold mine. Prepare your sense of fatalistic glee, because these people all get to have children and vote.

"An article only an egg head could love." - "bethmd". I presume the initials are initials, and not a degree, because a degree would make her an "egg head", and we all know that actually understanding an AP science news article makes you a goddamned elitist.

"Billions of dollars for this project? It all seems pointless to me unless scientists can explain how the first living cell came to be, which they are not even close to figuring out. True scientific research along with common sense will lead you to a knowledge that we are the result of a creator." - "tcoeguy", missing the point in the most stubbornly predictable way possible.

For the record, the theory is not that the Higgs boson created the universe. Nor is it that the Higgs boson created life. Nor is it that the Higgs boson is critical to the process of evolution. And for the record, every single person working in the sciences is closer to "figuring out" stuff than you are, because they're moving toward that goal and you're hurtling away from it as fast as your feet can carry you.

"All but proving it exists — but doesn't allow them to say it has actually been glimpsed" - Is this finding coming from the same "researchers" that star on that Finding Bigfoot series on the Animal Planet?" - "nw5746", who has clearly watched a lot of "Finding Bigfoot" on "the Animal Planet".

I mean, if there was an episode of Finding Bigfoot where they found Bigfoot poop (or, as it's known, "Sass-scat"), clumps of Bigfoot hair, animals clawed and eaten by Bigfoot showing distinctive tooth and claw marks matching no other beast, Bigfootprints, and a whole bunch of other evidence that mathematically points to a Bigfoot they just haven't gotten a picture of yet, then yes, it would be very much like an episode of "Finding Bigfoot", but there will never be an episode like that, because there are no actual theories that require Bigfoot to be found, just a bunch of gullible dipshits poking around in the woods.

"This article says absolutely nothing. Read Genesis Chapters 1-3 for the real story." - "philgorngie.

I bet Phil Gorngie enjoys the fruits of a lot of things that weren't part of the "real story" in Genesis, but were part of science. I mean, he somehow typed this comment on a newspaper website, which means he used electrons and photons, and electrons and photons are particles completely unknown at the time of Genesis. If Phil had the courage of his religious convictions, he'd be living in a sub-Amish, technology- and plumbing-free hut, comforting himself with a battered, hand-copied edition of "the real story". Fucking hypocrite.

"When it comes right down to it - is it anything more than faith? They can't see it, they haven't "glimpsed" it, but they are certain it's there - yep, sounds like faith to me." - "bmcguire", who only believes in things that are opaque to light.

Faith is belief without evidence. There are more types of evidence than being able to see something. For example. I can't SEE bmcguire's mental capacity. But I can deduce, based on the evidence, that like the HIggs boson, it's too small to see.

"I do wish Lederman had not come up with the term "the god particle". It does confuse the issue and understanding of what physicists are researching. The mere mention of god leads to people attaching meanings and pre-assumptions to any reporting of this most important research." - "twesty", making a common mistake.

People with limited experience with the cognitively limited, like "twesty", think that if we just made science non-threatening to these people, they'd leave their attached meanings and pre-assumptions at the door and accept the concept of, in this case, the Higgs boson. But attached meanings and pre-assumptions are all they have. They're dipshits. That's what dipshits do, that's who dipshits are. They are the modern descendants of witch-burners, and anything they don't understand goes on the bonfire, even if you give it a dipshit-friendly name.

Lederman may not have meant it that way, but the phrase "the God particle" is essentially flypaper for humans who are roughly as smart as flies. They can't help but alight on it, at which point you know where they are and can swat them. Except, you know. Flies don't get to help decide whether global warming is "real" or not. Told you the glee had to be a bit fatalistic.

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