Idiots Say The Damndest Things

Dumb Quotes Matter

« August 2015  

Memo to Mike Huckabee, Jason Doré, and Jeb Bush: YOU ARE DUMB.

Nothing particularly special in this week's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS. Two members of the Suicide Squad bracket the quotes this week, one racist, and one sexist. And in the middle, yet another possible hypocritical victim of the Ashley Madison hack. Let's get to it.

"When I hear people scream, ‘black lives matter,’ I think, of course they do. … But all lives matter. It’s not that any life matters more than another. That’s the whole message that Dr. King tried to present, and I think he’d be appalled by the notion that we’re elevating some lives above others.” - Mike Huckabee, setting a new high-water mark for white privilege.

You know what else matters? White words matter. And notice the verb Huckabee employs here. Not "says". Not "chants". "Screams". That's a word you use to delegitimize an opponent. It implies that they're unreasonably angy and out of control. And, of course, this also makes Huckabee the latest white Republican to try to appropriate the legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr. because they think black people are using it wrong. Nothing paternalistic and condescending about that, no sirree.

And you know what? If, in the unlikely future when the political dynamic finally shifts enough that America's minorities are in a position to put their lives above others? I'm not sure "appalled" is the word I'd use. I'm not saying I'd enjoy it, but you can be damn sure I'd understand it.

"As the state's leading opposition research firm, our law office routinely searches public records, online databases and websites of all types to provide clients with comprehensive reports. Our utilization of this site was for standard opposition research. Unfortunately, it ended up being a waste of money and time." - Louisiana Republican Jason Doré, explaining why he had an Ashley Madison account.

Keep in mind that I'm not saying this guy is lying, even though it is the single greatest example of the "I needed it for work!" excuse in all of history. The fact is, until the hackers hacked and released the website's membership information, the only way to look around and see if someone was on the adultery site was to go on there and look. It's a lot of effort, especially in the hopes of someone who's not a family-values spouting hypocrite, which explains why he says it was a waste.

The hack, on the other hand, did expose quite a few such hypocrites. And while I don't condone the breach of privacy, now that the egg is all broke open, might as well make some omelettes. There's Josh Duggar, of course, but there's also that creepy Christian vlogger who stole his wife's pee to surprise her with a pregnancy test, and then, assuming the whole thing wasn't a crazy make-em-up, publicly exploited their grief over the subsequent miscarriage. He was on Madison. So, apparently, were some e-mail addresses from the Vatican. Just more proof that lying to yourself and everyone else about who/what/how you like to fuck is a recipe for lifelong misery.

"I, for one, don’t think Planned Parenthood ought to get a penny, though, and that’s the difference because they’re not actually doing women’s health issues. They're involved in something way different than that.” - John Ellis Bush! Bush screwing the pooch yet again. He's lucky that pooch can't get pregnant.

Oh, Jeb. Jeb, Jeb, Jeb. Stop floundering. You're not going to out-wingnut the rest of the 2016 field. They're busy stumbling over each other in their rush to blame China for, I guess, deliberately tanking their economy to cause a small bubble in the Dow Jones to pop as part of a master plan to something or other.

Now, Planned Parenthood's defenders are all going to talk about mammograms and pap smears and such, but you know what? 100% of what Planned Parenthood does is women's health, and that'd be true if the forced-birther fantasies were true and 100% of what Planned Parenthood does were abortions. It's almost a shame nobody's paying attention to Jeb right now - a revival of the War On Women would make a nice change from everyone else trying to capture the elusive Stormfront vote.

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