You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Idiots Say The Damndest Things
Memo to John Stossel, Rand Paul, and Rich Lowry: YOUR DELUSIONS ARE TOO CONVENIENT.
Ah, sweet delusions. We all have them. We all work hard to maintain them. But it sure does seem that some people's delusions are more convenient, and more forceful, than others. Which, of course, leads to IDIOTS SAYING THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
"Take cigarette smoking. Yeah, they kill smokers. But there is no good data showing secondhand smoke kills people. Nevertheless, banned -- I don't smoke. I'm glad they banned it on airplanes and places. But can't smokers have some bars?" - John Stossel, World's Worst Libertarian.
Let's assume, for the moment, that John Stossel is telling the truth here. Not about the data regarding secondhand smoke, of course. That's lunacy. That's the kind of denial of basic science that usually gets people punched in the face by Buzz Aldrin. No, I mean he's not lying about how he doesn't smoke. And to be fair, John Stossel hates taxes so much he'd probably endure a lifetime of nicotine withdrawal just to deny the government tobacco revenue.
But if that's true, that means that John Stossel is espousing a libertarian viewpoint, and outing himself as the world's first Secondhand Smoke Truther, in support of something that will not benefit him directly, which puts him at odds with every other libertarian viewpoint I've ever seen. Well, you know, except for the purely theoretical ones that libertarians espouse to provide cover for the ones they really care about. But this is John Stossel. He'd have to master first-order thinking before delving into second-order thinking. Someone tell me he's fucking a three-pack-a-day smoker or I'm going to have to assume that he's gotten into his own Kool-Aid.
"So really elections are about who the leadership is in a party and it’s about either accepting or rejecting those leaders. And, frankly, I think that yesterday was a repudiation of Hillary Clinton." - Rand Paul, before Jeb Bush created a whole new category of almost running for president, by the way.
The key delusion here is not that the 2014 election was a referendum on the viability of a Hillary Clinton presidency, although, as above, ha ha ha it is to laugh. No, the delusion is that Rand Paul, alleged professional politician, actually thought his spin had even a hint of angular momentum to it. If he'd been a little more transparent, the Department of Defense would have harvested his skin and glued it to stealth fighters.
And think about it. Until yesterday, when Jeb Bush decided he was putting just the tip into the 2016 presidential race, Rand Paul was like the most or maybe second most credible contender, depending on how you felt about Paul Ryan. And this is the level of game he's bringing? Democrats should live in perpetual embarassment over having to even worry about losing to these chumps.
"That study is based on a survey that includes attempted forced kissing as sexual assault... It's not a crime that the police are going to be involved in." - Rich Lowry, on CNN, duding up the place.
This conversation was in the context of the now questionable Rolling Stone story about a gang rape at the University of Virginia. Rich Lowry was bemoaning the fact that places like Rolling Stone rush to believe rape victims rather than being skeptical. And then Rich Lowry proved why we have to do that.
Forced kissing, along with George Will's now infamous "unwanted touching", are indeed forms of sexual assault. And as I've said before, the only reason people like Rich Lowry want society to not consider forced kissing a crime are that people likke Rich Lowry have done a bit of forced kissing in their past and know, in their heart of hearts, that they're fine, upstanding citizens. A convenient delusion, indeed.