You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
Idiots Say The Damndest Things
Memo to Marco Rubio, Donald Trump Jr., and Jeb Bush: YOU ARE DUMB.
The field may be thinning, but the total amount of awfulness remains both consistent and evenly distributed. Sure, today's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS features the awful son of an awful candidate instead of one of the awful candidates, but if Trump didn't want his son to be seen as an extension of his own ego, he shouldn't have named him Donald.
"We are taking our message to families that are struggling to raise their children in the 21st Century, because as you saw, Jeanette and I are raising our four children in the 21st Century. And we know how hard it's become to instill our values in our kids instead of the values they try to ram down our throats. In the 21st Century, it's become harder than ever to instill in your children the values they teach in our homes and in our church, instead of the values that they try to ram down our throats in the movies, in music and in popular culture.” - Marco Rubio, probably wishing he had an offstage glass of water right about now.
I do not thank Donald Trump for much, but I do credit him for breaking the seal, as it were, and opening the door for Republican candidates to call actual bullshit on each other's actual bullshit, because it leads to ENTERTAINMENT. So when Christie called out Marco Rubio for canned, repetitive responses, Rubio's response was hilarious. And then, yesterday, he fucking cracked under the pressure and spouted the above nonsense. It's fun when they self-destruct.
Of course, Donald Trump's entire campaign is basically six different sentences repeated ad infinitum and surrounded by meaningless, excessive padding. Trump is the Taco Bell of campaigns. Nobody calls him out on it because he's not doing it out of political expediency the way Rubio is, he's just doing it because he's butt stupid. Rubio's stupid, but he's traditionally stupid, which is why this attack is getting to him despite his half-assed attempt to judo that shit the way a Trump would.
"Now, listen, in this country I’m the son of a billionaire, I can’t even have an opinion anymore. I could be Albert Einstein and they would discredit me as a horrible scientist. It doesn’t matter." - Donald Trump's son, Donald Trump Jr., on his miserable life.
Donnie needs to stop reading the Emo Kylo Ren Twitter feed, I think. Donnie, like most entitled prick, doesn't even realize that the only reason he's even listened to in the first place before being discounted, if that's even a thing that's actually happening, is that he's the son of a billionaire. If he weren't, he'd be ignored immediately. Well, not immediately, because he's a straight white dude, but certainly his dad's billions are buying him a few extra minutes before being dismissed. Also, not that this needs to be said, but dude is no Einstein.
Also, fuck off. I've spent decades hearing that if you give poor people enough money to live on, they won't work and won't learn the value of work and won't turn into good people. That's not true, but Donnie lives in a world where that's assumed to be true, and if it were true, it'd apply to trust fund brats like him. Proportionally. And Donnie gets a lot more each month than someone on food stamps, so imagine how much more moral decay there must be going on?
"If I could do it all again I'd eliminate the Supreme Court ruling. This is a ridiculous system we have now where you have campaigns that struggle to raise money directly and they can't be held accountable for the spending of the super PAC that's their affiliate." - Jeb Bush, on Citizens United.
Yeah, well, if anyone could do it all over again, we'd all go back and undo something that later proved to be a huge embarassment to us. That's just human nature. I was excited to se the Phantom Menace at one point, and I'd love to go back and eliminate that, too.
The thing about Jeb is that he's living proof that Citizens United won't destroy democracy outright. Because Jeb is literally spending every single dollar that Citizens United and his family name can direct his way, and so far, he's bought Jack Shit with it. And Jack Shit is polling a couple percentage points higher than Jeb. I mean, I'd love for it to be overturned too, but it's a lot like open carry laws. I don't like them, but they also don't have the worst-case effects they're predicted to have. No gunfights in the streets, no outright election buying. Just a bit of election renting and a lot of bonus corruption.