NOTE: Due to travel and other issues, YAD will be updating more irregularly than usual during the first two weeks of September. Follow YAD on Twitter if you need YAD methadone during this time.
You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Spastic Topic Monkey Friday
Memo to Local Pole Seller and Luc Besson: SHOULDA LEFT IT OUT.
Sometimes, it's one tiny thing that takes something normal, and pushes it over the edge into full-on dumb. Something completely unnecessary, in fact. Had it been left out, what remained would have been entirely unremarkable, but for one reason or another, they didn't, and so I remark, during SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!
Been a long time since I've needed to use a picture, but I found this on a telephone pole near my house, where I get off the bus. Guy's got some stuff for sale, you see. Can you guess what should have been left off?
Now, there are a number of ways to acquire a Nazi flag (authentic) that don't involve me judging the owner harshly, so I'm not going to leap to any conclusions. It would be wrong for me to draw a connection between cowboy boots, compound bow, pheasant mount, and Nazi flag, so I won't.
And, similarly, if someone decides they want to get rid of their Nazi flag (authentic), I wholeheartedly support that decision. I might suggest throwing it out instead of selling it to someone who really wants a Nazi flag (authentic), but the point is, you're getting rid of it. Good for you.
I do think, though, just from a marketing standpoint, that's the item you leave off the list. When people inquire about other items, when people stop by to pick up the things they want to buy, then maybe you find a way to mention you've also got a Nazi flag (authentic) you're looking to get rid of. Provide context, real or otherwise, that makes your ownership of a Nazi flag (authentic) socially acceptable. Because if you just up and put it on the sign, it's going to invite speculation.
"Lucy" opens today, and I can't help but notice you can't spell "Lucy" without "Luc" and "why?"
I mean normally, you give me Luc Besson, you give me Scarlett Johannson, you give me superpowers and explosions, and I'm on board for, at the very least, thinking I might catch it on basic cable sometime and then never getting around to it.
But then, in the trailer, Morgan Freeman delivers the "10% of the brain" line. And the Ten Percent thing is bullshit. And it's been bullshit for a very long time. Long enough that at least half of the people working on Lucy, including Morgan "Science Channel Narrator" Freeman, had to know it was bullshit. And they kept it in anyway. So fuck them.
It's not like they even need it. There's a magic drug in Scarlett Johannson's gut that gives her super mind powers. The mechanism by which the magic drug gives her super mind powers does not need to be explained to me. And it certainly doesn't need to be explained using a hoary old science urban legend. It's a magic drug. It promotes rapid neuron growth leading to increased brain density. Or whatever. It's easy. Or you could just say she was a mule for Mentos and Diet Coke. Even that would have been better.
Just leave it out. It's stupid, it's unhelpful, and it just irritates people who know better and makes them promise instead to catch The Rock's Hercules on basic cable sometime and never get around to it.