Spastic Topic Monkey Friday

The Original German

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Memo to Scott Steben, Ken Langone, and the corpse of Fred Phelps: YOU KNOW NOOOOOOTHING.

I've got more Nazi news than you'd expect in the research pile this week, so I figured, let's pair them up with an update on one of the worst modern humanity has to offer. Let's shout it together, ideally in a stereotypical, Hogan's Heroes-y German accent. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

So, for about a week, I've been following the story of the Minneapolis Nazi re-enactment dinner. Photos surfaced of a Nazi-themed party at a local German restaurant, but the organizer, Scott Steben, claimed that the event was part of a World War II re-enactment group, that they'd be reviewing their policies in the future, that they were sorry for any offense that was caused, and it was just a coincidence that the event was on Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

Which, collectively, is a BIT of a stretch, but as I am familiar with the social cluelessness of some of the people drawn to historical re-enactment, and since local news didn't seem to have anything other than Steben's statement, I was planning to leave it at that. Until our local free news-weekly reported yesterday that Steben sports an SS tattoo, rocks a jean vest with an Iron Cross, and also posted a Hitler-As-Obama poster to his Facebook page. There is, I think we all know, only one type of person who does those things, and the word for them is not "history buff". Amazing how much ugliness reveals itself here as the snow melts.


And speaking of modern-day Nazis, another billionaire thinks that calling shithead billionaires shitheads is totally like what the Nazis did so everyone should just be nice to billionaires if they don't want to be Nazis.

This time it was Ken Langone, who, as the co-founder of Home Depot, knows a few things about crimes against humanity. Now, I'm not comparing Home Depot to a concentration camp. That would be silly. There's no comparison, either on a moral level or a basic organizational layout one. Though there is certainly a haunted look in the eyes of all the middle-aged independent contractors and former hardware store owners forced by capitalism to wander the aisles in orange aprons.

By the way, his "apology" stated that "If my choice of words was inappropriate — and they well may have been that — I extend my profound apologies to anyone and everyone who I may have offended”, so, yeah. He's not sorry.


And speaking of hyperbolic unrepentant assholes, Fred Phelps, who we talked about Monday because he might have been about to die, went ahead and died.

Which is good for two reasons - first, because I went out on a limb on Monday, believed an estranged son's Facebook post, and was not embarrassed by Phelps hanging on to life for another few weeks, and second, because Fred Phelps is dead.

By the way, there were reports that Phelps was kicked out of his own church last year because he was promoting a kinder, gentler approach. But not towards gay people or even other human beings. Just between the inbred couple dozen Phelpses that make up the church and apparently hate each other like God hates... well, anyway. Fuck 'em all.

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