Spastic Topic Monkey Friday

Not Great Together

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Memo to John Grisham, Mama June, and Greater Wingnuttia: THIS IS A FIRST.

SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY does not need a theme, but it can certainly be fun to have one. And it's especially fun when that theme can be a theme that I've not only never actually used before, but one I never thought I would use - the center of the Venn diagram between child molestation and pop culture. How about that!

And by the way, I'll be doing this without mentioning either Seventh Heaven and Star Trek star Stephen Collins, or X-Men director Bryan Singer. And I've still got three.

First up, author John Grisham, who was forced to apologize after deciding, in an interview, to leap to the defense of the defenseless - late middle-aged kiddie porn aficionados. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"We have prisons now filled with guys my age, 60-year-old white men, in prison, who've never harmed anybody (and) would never touch a child. But they got online one night and started surfing around, probably had too much to drink or whatever, and pushed the wrong buttons and went too far and got into child porn. ... They deserve some type of punishment, but 10 years in prison?"

Now, I don't know a lot about getting drunk, but I know a lot about surfing the Internet. So I'll average that out and be fairly confident that first, it ain't that easy to accidentally watch child porn, and two, that it takes a lot more than accidentally watching child porn once to land you in prison for a decade. Every child porn arrest I've read about in the news refers to seized hard drives with hundreds or thousands of pictures on them, not a browser history that goes Amazon, Amazon, TripAdvisor, regular porn, kiddie porrn, Bed Bath and Beyond...

Also, Grisham, "white guys"? That's your go-to example for who shouldn't be in prison? Good one.


I have to say, when it comes to reasons for the cancellation of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo", the one I would have predicted the least was "the sudden realization by the audience that this fake, exploitative bullshit is horrible for everyone involved and we should all just stop".

But the actual reason, "Mama" June Shannon getting back together with her ex who spent ten years in prison for molesting Shannon's eight-year-old relative while they were dating the first time, sure would have been a close second.

I mean, it's not like the series up to that point had been an ongoing chronicle of really great life choices, but not only does this situation suck, it sucks so bad that it doesn't even allow the kind of schadenfreude I normally would have enjoyed watching this show implode. Mama June schadenblocked me.


And finally, the Breitbart wing of Deep Wingnuttia's crusade against Lena Dunham, which started when... started when... I guess when she got famous and spoke her mind? I don't know. They classified her as The Enemy and started devoting an incredible amount of energy at being affronted by every little thing she said or did, taking it out of context and maximizing their umbrage because otherwise, they don't really feel anything when they jerk off.

Anyway, they took some passages about her childhood out of her recent book, including a clear joke, and decided she'd molested her sister. Which is interesting, because the right's usual pattern is to find someone who says they've been sexually abused and virulently disbelieve them, not find someone who insists they haven't been sexually abused and, well, virulently disbelieve them.

I hope this leads to them going after George Will for his repeated and unwavering support for legal "unwanted touching" of college girls, but none of us should hold our breath.

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