Spastic Topic Monkey Friday

Batman V Superman V Trump V Cruz V Internet V Decency

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Memo to Those Who Will See It Anyway, Trump and Cruz, and The Internet: YOU ARE DUMB.

It's a week full of disasters, treagedies, and clusterfucks, and that's even if you take the Brussels bombings out of the equation. Let's take a look at the many faceplants of this week in SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

The reviews are in, and if you're surprised, you haven't been paying attention. Batman V Superman is a fucking mess. The best review I've seen so far says that the first chunk before anything happens is kind of interesting. Once again, film completely fails the character of Lex Luthor. And more importantly, it's so evident that Warner Brothers is trying to shortcut their way to an Avengers-style success. They're the Donald Trump of superhero franchises, building something cheap and fast and painting it gold - well, in Snyder's case, gray and black - in the hopes you won't notice the shoddy construction.

Don't go. A lot of people will go see it anyway, but don't go. Convince your friends not to go. We can't effect a lot of change in this world, but reports are that Batman V Superman was obscenely expensive and over budget. In other words, one other way it's the anti-Deadpool. Which means anything short of a billion dollar success might be seen as a failure. So that's a margin where even if all the dumdums go, nerds with critical faculties might be able to make a difference. Hatewatch it when it's out on home video.


The great thing about the GOP presidential battle is that, while it never gets worse, because it's already as bad as anything can be, it consistently finds new and exciting ways to be as bad as anything can be. Now Trump and Cruz are arguing over whether Ted Cruz' wife is uglier than Donald Trump's wife. This is an important issue for Trump, who obviously thinks that a man's value is inexorably tied to the quality of wife he can buy.

Of course, let's not be fooled by Ted Cruz pretending to be all "how dare you" and "leave my wife alone" and chivalrous and tough-talking and shit. Cruz doesn't care. He's just happy to keep playing the victim to Trump's boorishness because it hides his true monstrous nature way better than that human leather mask he calls a face.


So, Microsoft put a learning, AI chat-bot out on the Internet. They called it "Tay". Then they took it down a day later because the Internet taught it to be racist. Because that's what the Internet does. This led to ThinkProgress, a site whose heart is in the right place but whose head consistently tries to go up its own ass and misses by aiming farther left than it needs to, to proclaim that this proves why Silicon Valley needs more diversity.

Silicon Valley does need more diversity. But this has nothing to do with that. This is just the Internet. If you take something pure and innocent and leave it unconscious in the middle of the Internet, the Internet will draw dicks and swastikas all over it, because the Internet thinks that's funny. And, to be fair, one time in about 500, the internet is right about that. Why not look on the bright side and say this proves how dumb racists are, because a robot can learn to parrot their bullshit back even faster than actual racists can. The Ku Klux Klan: Collectively dumber than baby robot living on a few rack-mount servers.

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