You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
Well, it's official. Operation Fuck Mike Hatch Right In His Game-Regulating Ear is a resounding failure. Ah well. That's the problem with democracy. All those other bastards' voices count as much as mine does, which is patently ludicrous for obvious reasons. But I appreciate the attempt nonetheless.
On to business. And when I say business, I mean the only business thriving more than Big Oil these days. BUSINESS AS USUAL.
They are fucking with you again, and I mention it because someone really should be keeping count. Specifically, keeping count of the number of times you, the public, have been deliberately lied to by them, the government. Lied to for the sole purpose of making them look good.
Also, count of the number of times they've been caught. Caught with hands so red the glow attracts hookers like moths. Hands so red they can't walk into a living room without fucking up all the remote controls. Caught, but not punished. Never punished. Never any consequences, no matter how blatant the falsehood, no matter how far out of true reality is bent. Because if a thousand people see the lie, a hundred people see the subsequent revelation of the truth. And the other nine hundred add the lie to their general pile of misconceptions about the way things are, and the bastards smile.
You may have heard that, after the latest "crackdown" on violence and roughhousing in Baghdad, that the number of murders dramatically decreased in the month of August. We had turned another corner, outlasted another last throe. We were making progress, and could safely stay the course, even though "staying the course" was now verbota non grata, tossed aside like an aging trophy wife in favor of "adapt to win", which just got a great new boob job.
You see, there were about 1,500 murders in Iraq in July. There were about 730 murders in Iraq in August. Setting aside the fact that "only 730 murders in a month" is not actually an excuse for a party, it is a dramatic statistic. Or it was, until it hit a minor, technical snag - another 780 or so CORPSES that magically appeared in Iraq's morgues that same month.
Faced with this discrepancy, the military admitted that, between July and August, they had REDEFINED MURDER. In August, if you got executed, tortured to death, or shot in a drive-by, you were murdered. If you were bombed, car-bombed, suicide bombed, or caught a bullet in a random crossfire, you were just dead. And not counted. Your smoldering corpse was an impediment to the illusion of progress, and was duly sacrificed. Sorry about that.
The glorious irony in all this is that the same exact fucks who coined the semantic obscenity "homicide bombers" to try to emphasize the point that suicide bombers were murderers will not even contemplate blinking an eye at this. They will accept without question the military's pathetic excuse: "These comments were intended to highlight some specific indicators of progress and were never stated in relation to broader casualty figures." What a fucking joke.
They changed the rules so that the numbers would make them look good. That is LYING. That's the latest in a never-ending series of deliberate falsehoods that keep happening because they keep working, and we all know why they keep working. Because three hundred million fucking morons let them keep working.