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In The Virtual Belly Of The Beast: Day Three

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Memo to the Creationist Museum: WHERE IS THE FUN?

One of the great things about science museums is their potential for fun. Stuff like Van de Graaff generators, bubbling liquids, and mysterious buttons to press. Sure, a lot of it is hokey, but it does do a good job of creating a little world where science is cool.

The Creation Museum is many things, but "fun" is not one of them. Oh, it too tries to create an alternate little world, but the world it creates is one of fear and gloom from which the only escape is blind acceptance of fundamental Christianity and rejection of Darwinism.

The fear starts before you even get inside, according to one report. Black-uniformed guards complete with patrolling guard dogs watch the grounds around the museum. To be fair, if I were them, I'd be scared shitless of Stephen Hawking too. But they're wasting their time. Dogs can't stop Hawking. Nothing can.

Inside, having covered dinosaurs and the Grand Canyon and essentially having shot the sum total of their pseudo-scientific wad, the Creation Museum basically turns itself into the world's most expensive Christian Hell House. You know, the Halloween tradition where they show the wages of sin - two guys burning in hell for kissing, that sort of thing. Imagine that writ large, and you have exhibits like Graffiti Alley, the Cave of Sorrows, and Culture in Crisis.

Culture in Crisis particularly cracks me up - it has one of the museum's most notable pieces - a church facade being smashed in by a giant wrecking ball. On the ball is embossed "100 Million Years". I'm sure Ken Ham and the other bastards at Answers in Genesis think it's poignant, but it's merely pathetic. How little they must think of the thing they say is most important to them that they think it could be threatened by an old Earth. They dare to claim sole ownership of the truth about infinity, and can't handle a few measly extra eons without cringing and crying and building $27 million temples to their own insecurity.

And when they're not scaring you with Nazis, abortion, homosexuality, crime, and teen suicide - which are all Darwin's fault for making people doubt Genesis - they're illustrating Biblical horror stories in gruesome detail. The first murder, animal sacrifice, and all the pre-flood corruption that is, if my theology is accurate, Eve's fucking fault for not being content and keeping her fool mouth shut.

Oh, sure, there's some funny, lighthearted stuff in there - the diorama of the Garden of Eden full of placid, pre-fall animals cavorting together without a single thought of predation crossing their minds. That's what biblical literalism means, folks. Tigers have sharp teeth because God liked it that way, and were only forced to USE them by the fall from grace. Which is incredibly stupid, and flies in the face of reason.

But as we've seen, taking pride in flying in the face of reason is what the Creation Museum does best. And why shouldn't they? Reason's Q rating is at a historic low point. Your average six-year-old can recognize Ronald McDonald and Mickey Mouse, but do any of those little bastards know who Rene Descartes is? I think not.

It's hard to even get mad at the Creation Museum. It's not the disease. It's the symptom. It exists because the environment allows it to thrive. Which is a choice bit of fucking irony right there.

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