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Fifty Percent More Efficient

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Memo to Ebola Paranoids, Secret Service Sexists, and Jefferson County: YOU ARE DUMB.

Lots of shit going on right now. I mean, I suppose there's always a lot of shit going down, but it does seem like this year we spend a couple of weeks worrying about no more than two things before moving on to two new things. I mean, they never found that plane and nobody got in real trouble for shooting down that other one. Good thing my intellectual superiority allows me to deal with three different things at once. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

Ebola hit America this week, and people have responded in different ways. Some people performed their African concerts in a giant plastic bubble. Some people called for a complete halt to all immigration and travel to the U.S. from Africa. And a bunch of people blamed Obama. I have a slightly different strategy.

It's basically an extension of a strategy that's served me well over the years. Avoid touching other people's blood and shit. I'm lucky to live in a place where touching other people's blood and shit is easily avoided, and where a stable, if admittedly underfunded by decades of tax cuts, government can identify whose blood and shit I shouldn't touch and help me not touch it. So I think I'm set.


The Secret Service scandal is a fucking mess, although the upside, as I noted on Twitter, is that apparently a lot fewer people are trying to assassinate our black president than you'd think from the "second amendment remedy" rhetoric. And the director, Julia Pierson, has resigned, as well she should.

But as illustrated by xkcd's "Girls suck at math" cartoon, when male Secret Service agents fuck up and get caught with hookers, it doesn't mean men are unqualified to protect the president. But when a woman's running the Secret Service and women agents are on duty during incidents, guess what conclusion asshats like Joe Scarborough and political gender traitors like Laura Ingraham reach? I'm kidding of course. It wouldn't be a guess. It'd be a rock-solid prediction based on evidence.


And finally, a couple of updates to Monday's column on the right-wing freakout over AP History telling the truth about American history, instead of the jingoistic myths we all grew up with.

In addition to the Texas school board I talked about Monday, the school board in Jefferson County, Colorado has proposed ensuring the AP History curriculum taught there emphasizes patriotism and doesn't promote any disregard for the law. Even if, you know, the law is segregation. On the upside, students and teachers have staged sick-outs over the changes instead of accepting them. We'll see how it works out.

Oh, and Ben Carson, who is legally able to cut into people's heads and poke at their thinkmeats and get paid for it, said that the biggest problem with the new AP History changes is that they'd encourage students to sign up for ISIS, which I think is exactly the kind of objective, realistic analysis you'd want from a brain surgeon contemplating a run for President.

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