You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Memo to Florida: UM... BETTER?
A white*, racist dick with a gun. A black teenager. A stand your ground law. A corpse. Florida. It's almost as if they have some king of chronic problem with insanity in that state. Almost.
At least in the case of Michael Dunn, the racist dick in question this time around, will be going to jail, instead of almost participating in poorly-thought-out "celebrity" boxing matches. Yesterday, a jury found Michael Dunn guilty of firing his gun into an SUV that was playing music at a volume Dunn disagreed with. So, second-degree attempted murder of three of the teens in the car.
What he wasn't convicted of, because Florida, was the first degree murder of Jordan Davis, the person his bullets actually hit and killed.
Apparently, 12 Florida residents couldn't agree that picking a fight with a car full of black teenagers of that loud music, that "thug music" Dunn told his fiancé he hated, then shooting up the car when the argument turned ugly, counted as "premeditation". I should lend them my book, because in my book, that's fucking well premeditation.
The good news is, the other facts in the trial were too much for even a Florida jury to ignore. After shooting up a car and killing a teenager, Dunn didn't call the police. Nobody did. He went home, ordered pizza, walked the dog, and, tellingly, never mentioned the "shotgun" he later told the police the kids had, making him fear for his life, making him stand his ground.
Which, even with the conviction, shows how fucking insane these laws are. Let's pretend, for a moment, that the fantasy Dunn made up to justify his actions had in fact been the case. If so, he probably would have been acquitted. Making it legal in Florida to go up to someone's car, yell at them for doing something you don't like, and then killing one or more people in that car if they object to your obvious social faux pas in a way you find threatening.
Gun nuts frequently like to tell us that an armed society is a polite society. That everyone would be so terrified of possibly getting shot by someone you offend that you never offend anyone. Well, Florida is as close as we get to that Utopia. Doesn't seem to be working out.
And, of course, if instead of an SUV full of black teens blasting rap, it had been a pickup truck, complete with gun rack, full of redneck teens blasting Toby Keith, I think we all know the number of bullet holes in the offending car would have dropped drastically.
They'll be retrying the murder charge, because you can do that with a hung jury. And Dunn's going to prison on the other charges. But leave it to Florida - even when they achieve passable results, they manage to do so in an infuriating, bugfuck way that leaves you with the sense that there ain't no justice.
* The usual suspects love to claim that George Zimmerman wasn't white, but he was white enough for the institutional power dynamic to kick in.