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« September 2015 »

Memo to Fiorina Outragers, Houston assholes, and Hugh Hewitt: YOU ARE DUMB.

I've done a purge of the research file, so today in SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY, we take two recent Trump missteps that would have been fatal to any other candidate and look at why they're not effective, and between them, sandwich in a horror story about the American public that will not improve your overall view of humanity. Though, to be fair, if you somehow came here expecting that, that's on you.

Oh no, oh no, Donald Trump went and essentially called Carly Fiorina "ugly". Surely this will be the straw that breaks the camel's back, the incivility that finally ends the Summer of Trump now that it's a week into fall, and we all can turn to serious issues like defunding Planned Parenthood, denying birthright citizenship, and making sure none of the Syrian refugees are secret terrorists bent on attacking America by, um, I don't know. Terrorists are magic and shit.

Please. Trump got away with shitting on John McCain, a veteran, a prisoner of war, and most importantly, one of the darlings of the insider Washington crowd. Everyone will cluck their tongues, everyone will fret, and Trump's support will push towards 35% because Trump has promised to win so much people will get bored by winning, and that's a message that resonates strongly with stupid people. And we have a lot of stupid people.

For example, let us consider the 80 or so Houston residents who came out to protest kindergartners. I think that we can all agree that anyone who protests a kindergarten, for whatever reason, is automatically an asshole. I wouldn't even approve of protesting a creationist kindergarten. Protest the school district that ran it? Sure. But the kindergarten? Those kids are what, five fucking years old? Your protest is just going to confuse small children and make them cry, and if that's your goal, go fuck yourself.

And go double-fuck yourself if you're protesting a kindergarten because it's an Arabic immersion kindergarten. And triple-fuck yourself if you bring signs assuming anyone that speaks Arabic is a Muslim and anyone that is a Muslim is the enemy. If you don't have anything more productive to do with your time, I'm sure the Houston public works department needs some substitute speed bumps. At least by being part of the infrastructure, you could help America for the first time in your lives.

And while we're talking about things that won't diminish Trump's support, let's talk about Hugh Hewitt's attempt to show that Trump is ignorant on foreign policy by quizzing him on the names of world leaders and such. I'm not sure which attack, if any, is going to actually lay a glove on Trump at this point, but I do know calling him stupid, or proving he's stupid, isn't going to do it. As George W. Bush proved, you say "stupid", and the Republican base hears "relatable".

And that's not the half of it. There's no denying Donald Trump is stupid. There's also no denying that Donald Trump has been successful, despite multiple bankruptcies and a lifetime dominated by negative publicity. Basically, Donald Trump has evolved to survive his own stupidity. He has a variety of adaptive mechanisms and coping techniques that allow him to thrive in an environment that has proven toxic to to the political careers of other organisms. He's the antibiotic-resistant syphilis of American politics, and he laughs off Hugh Hewitt's expired penicillin.

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