You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Memo to New York City: MANY OF YOU ARE DUMB.
Thanksgiving is, of course, famous for many things, including leftovers. Between the election priorities, the post-election priorities, and the days off I took for the holiday, that means the old research pile has a shit-ton of leftovers, so I believe I'm going to spend a few days getting through them, lest the mockworthy go unmocked.
And lo and behold, our first two items deal with Muslims and New York City. Always a tenuous relationship because, well, NYC is full of people, and even if 65% of them are liberals or Democrats, that still leaves millions of assholes. Like the asshole who decided to scatter raw bacon around New Dorp Park back in August before an end-of-Ramadan celebration there.
Do I still need to go over this with you bigoted nutjobs? Muslims aren't supposed to eat pork because of the same interaction of religion, culture, and trichinosis that keep Jews from eating pork. Fine.
That does not make pork MUSLIM KRYPTONITE.
They can see it. THey can smell it. They can be near it and around it and they don't lose their powers. If they're not particularly observant, they can eat it, and they'll be in no more trouble with their god than a Catholic with a condom on will. So be dears and express your bigotry in, if not more productive ways, at least ways that don't waste food.
I mean, look at the NYPD. Now THAT'S some productive anti-Muslim bigotry. ACTUAL RESULTS TIME!
"In more than six years of spying on Muslim neighborhoods, eavesdropping on conversations and cataloguing mosques, the New York Police Department's secret Demographics Unit never generated a lead or triggered a terrorism investigation, the department acknowledged in court testimony unsealed late Monday." - An AP report of NYPD testimony back in August.
You remember the NYPD spying on Muslims, right? Sneaking into mosques, infiltrating student groups, and the like? All over the tri-state area, in fact. Well, it turns out they were wasting valuable time they could have spent stopping and frisking black people for no good reason, or even, for fuck's sake, investigating and solving actual crimes, which I'm sure must happen in NYC at one time or another.
Having mentioned New York City and Catholics already, it would be remiss of me to not also bring up Father Benedict Groeschel, director of the Office of Spiritual Development for the Archdiocese of New York, who penned the following back in August in the wake of the Penn State pedophilia scandal:
"People have this picture in their minds of a person planning to — a psychopath. But that’s not the case. Suppose you have a man having a nervous breakdown, and a youngster comes after him. A lot of the cases, the youngster — 14, 16, 18 — is the seducer... It’s an understandable thing.
I have to say, I've never really thought about it that way before. I mean, we've all met teenagers. And if there's one thing we know teenagers like, besides the rock and roll and the sock hops, it's the affection of middle-aged men who've suffered nervous breakdowns.
Here's an idea. Just a practical idea based around simple public relations and logistics. If you're in a position of some authority within the Catholic Church, and you have an opinion on sex with children, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. On the off chance your opinion is normal and healthy, it won't really help because of the known, institutionalized problems with your church. And if it's something freaky like Groeschel's? Well, that's really not going to help.