You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Memo to Rick Warren: ALLOW ME.
Here at You Are Dumb Dot Net, we're not afraid to tackle the big questions. Tackle the huge controversies. Take a look at the facts and lay things out in a fair, reasoned, unbiased manner. You know, on those rare occasions such things crop up between calling stupid people shitheads.
So, let's answer one such question today: Is Rick Warren a homophobe?
We know Rick Warren is an Evangelical pastor, which isn't a great start. We know he's the author of "The Purpose-Driven Life", which I don't think says anything about homosexuality, but is still irritating. And he's cultivated a bipartisan image among Democrats who want to make sure everyone knows they love Jeeeeeesus. So maybe he's interested in being moderate. Let's ask him, shall we?
"If you disagree with somebody today you're often called a hater.I don't really hate anybody. Or you're called 'phobic.' I'm not afraid of anybody. I have many, many gay friends." - Rick Warren, on Huffington Post Live.
Hm. That's not a good start. Anyone who says they don't hate ANYBODY is a liar. Anyone who says they're not afraid of ANYBODY is either a liar or has some kind of weird psychological disorder. Anyone who says "homophobic" means strictly "fearful of gays" is usually homophobic. People who defend their lack of homophobia with their "many, many gay friends" are usually homophobic too.
And what, exactly, does Rick Warren disagree with? Well, it turns out, it's gay sex.
"It's not a sin to love somebody," he said. "It might be a sin to have sex with them." Which, OK, by a strict interpretation of certain specific rules in the Bible next to other rules I bet Rick Warren violates on a regular basis, gay people aren't sinners unless they want to have sex with the people they love. Good to know. Care to elaborate?
"Here’s what we know about life. I have all kinds of natural feelings in my life and it doesn’t necessarily mean that I should act on every feeling. Sometimes I get angry and I feel like punching a guy in the nose. It doesn’t mean I act on it. Sometimes I feel attracted to women who are not my wife. I don’t act on it. Just because I have a feeling doesn’t make it right. Not everything natural is good for me. Arsenic is natural." - Warren, on CNN, probably prompting the question of whether he's homophobic.
You don't punch a guy in the face because it hurts them, and also it's against the law and I guess sort of against the Bible. You don't cheat on your wife because it hurts your wife and is definitely against the Bible. You don't eat arsenic because, while the Bible doesn't say anything about it, it will fucking well kill you.
Gay sex doesn't intrinsically hurt people. It's not against the law. It won't poison you, it won't, again intrinsically, kill you. It's just against the Bible. Which, OK, you think you have to believe in all the Bible, you think you have to believe in all the Bible, just don't let me catch you coming out of a Red Lobster.
But here's the deal. In order to justify his Biblical belief that gay sex is a sin, Rick Warren compared it to a non-consensual sin that physically harms another person, a sin that emotionally harms another person, and a deadly poison, implying that gay sex is somehow nonconsensual, harmful, and/or fatal.
And that's homophobic.