You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Memo to Mitt Romney and Bobby Jindal: GODMOTHERFUCKINGDAMMIT.
I'm sorry. I know I said that once Mitt Romney lost, I was done with him forever. and I thought I would be. But some shit you do not let go. Some shit you abandon your plans for. Shit like this. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"What the president's campaign did was focus on certain members of his base coalition. Give them extraordinary financial gifts from the government, and then work very aggressively to turn them out to vote. The Obama campaign was following the old playbook of giving a lot of stuff to groups that they hoped they could get to vote for them and be motivated to go out to the polls, specifically the African American community, the Hispanic community and young people. In each case they were very generous in what they gave to those groups." - Mitt Romney, in a private conference call to donors, explaining why he lost while completely failing to understand why he lost.
Well, that settles the last question of the 2012 campaign. Was Mitt Romney a reasonable, moderate, if somewhat dickish Republican who was shamelessly utilizing racist dog-whistles because the people he needed to vote for him wanted to hear it, or was he a rich, white, racist dick to the core, able to moderate it publicly when running for public office in Massachusetts and beyond?
The Mitt Romney who went to the NAACP was a lie. The Mitt Romney the next day who said black people booed him because they love free stuff? That was the truth. I thought Mitt Romney was a chameleon, a valueless, beliefless man who cared about getting power and nothing else. But he was worse than that. Fuck him, fuck everyone who supported him, and fuck everyone who voted for him, or at least everyone who doesn't immediately regret it after hearing what he said in that call.
Which brings me to Bobby Jindal, who is shamelessly and blatantly trying to position himself as the antithesis to all the reasons Mitt Romney lost. He said the GOP needs to stop being the "stupid party". Which is certainly true, but also certainly incredibly difficult, and also a job Bobby Jindal is deeply unqualified to do. The best he can do is PRETEND to be that guy, and he's pulling out all the stops.
“No, I think that’s absolutely wrong. Two points on that: One, we have got to stop dividing the American voters. We need to go after 100 percent of the votes, not 53 percent. We need to go after every single vote. And, secondly, we need to continue to show how our policies help every voter out there achieve the American Dream, which is to be in the middle class, which is to be able to give their children an opportunity to be able to get a great education. … So, I absolutely reject that notion, that description. I think that’s absolutely wrong.”
That's all well and good. But the press needs to ask Bobby Jindal two questions. Two questions that Jindal would, I guarantee you, publicly embarrass himself trying to answer, and two questions, therefore, that will never be asked.
QUESTION ONE: Did Bobby Jindal vote for Mitt Romney?
QUESTION TWO: If Mitt Romney had said this a week before the election instead of a week after, would Bobby Jindal still have voted for Mitt Romney?
Because if Bobby Jindal doesn't think what Romney said is bad enough to disqualify him from the presidency, then Jindal shouldn't be allowed to assume the mantle of the New, Kinder, Gentler, Smarter Republican Party and position himself for 2016. Because that's the only thing he's doing here.