Rampant Digression Friday

« August 2006 »

Memo to 9/11 Conspiracy Nuts: YOU ARE DUMB.

Those of you who love You Are Dumb Dot Net for its elaborate, lengthy exposition are in for a real fucking treat. Because we all know conspiracy nuts are crazy, but just why they're crazy touches down on a lot of interesting ground.

Let's start at the beginning - why settle on 9/11 nuts as the nuts du jour? Well, you see, I was going about my business, reading about the latest stupid fucking thing Michelle Malkin was saying. I'm never retiring Michelle Malkin's number, dammit. I probably should, but she's such a perfect example of what this column loves to hate. Plus, I never ever tire of reminding people that she's a huge fan of Japanese internment camps.

And what she's saying now is that the Israeli bombing at Qana, the one that killed a few dozen Lebanese women and children, the one that caused a blip of outrage in the latest round of bombings, the one Israel has admitted to, apologized for, and is investigating - she's saying that bombing was faked by Hezbollah.

It's an ugly idea that percolated up from the murky depths of the far-right blogs, based on nothing but anti-terror zealotry and gut instinct. And it's very dumb indeed. But I was reading about it at ThinkProgress, what is probably my least-hated of the left-wing blogs, and the author of the story compared Qana conspiracy nuts to 9/11 conspiracy nuts based on the fact that neither of them have any basis in fact.

This pissed off all the 9/11 conspiracy nuts who hang around the leftie blogs. And since the leftie blogs are leftie blogs, the 9/11 nuts got to argue about it. On the blog. Ad nauseum.

Which brings us to our first important aside, the kind of digression that will pad this column out to several days' worth - WHY LEFT WING BLOGS SUCK.

They suck, you see, because they are blogs. And blogs suck because blogs let random netpeople say what's on their minds. And that is always a mistake, because it fosters a sense of community in an enterprise for which community is a giant pain in the ass.

You know why I don't let people post underneath these columns? Because that makes you part of the column, whether I like it or not. It makes the reader one of the writers, and I AIN'T ONE TO SHARE.

But the blogs love to share. And this is why you get to hear the multiheaded White Male Hydra on Fox News, on Hardball, etc. claim that the "left wing blogs say..." some retarded thing or another. Nine times out of ten, it's not the bloggers saying this, it's one or two fucktards posting underneath exercising their right to have their opinion published. Writing leads to community. Community leads to feelings of co-ownership. Feelings of co-ownership leads to hobby-stalking. And hobby-stalking leads to drama. And drama leads to destruction.

You remember above where I said ThinkProgress is my least hated of the left-wing blogs? That's because after a solid month of regularly checking them, it's the least affected by community-decay. And even it's guilty of some of the crimes. Short links to other blogs, that themselves link to other blogs, and on down the Matrushka Doll until you get to someone who actually wrote something. And the dreaded OPEN THREAD. Two or three times a day, Atrios and Kos seem to post a blog entry that exists SOLELY as a placeholder so that all the readers can vent their random bullshit upon the comments section. This is insanity. It's turning the asylum over to the inmates. It gets in the way of what you set out to do. The ideal blog is an alternate information venue, not a fucking clubhouse circle-jerk.

And the reason you don't want a clubhouse circle-jerk is because eventually, the members of the clubhouse, being people, will develop drama. And then you waste all your time fucking around with the drama and no time actually doing the kind of serious fact-finding and journalism you want to be seen as doing. And when the 9/11 nutjobs got pissed off, oh boy did the drama explode.

MONDAY: We discuss that drama, and how it illustrates the way in which conspiracy nuts are fucking insane.

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