You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Memo to William Jefferson: YOU ARE DUMB.
A freezer? A fucking FREEZER? You have got to be fucking kidding me, a freezer. You fucking hick. You goddamn low-class pigfucking Louisiana... politician.
Once again, when it comes to politics, we learn that the Democrats are playing catch-up. Living in the past. Avoiding the new paradigm.
William Jefferson, Louisiana congressman. Caught on videotape taking $100,000 from an FBI informant, and apparently proving once and for all that even a congressman can't get cable in Louisiana. I mean, who gets caught on tape taking a huge wad of hundred dollar bills anymore? Do you know how unsubtle you have to be to be less subtle than Randy "Duke" Cunningham? Even he didn't take cash. Just a giant boat and a house.
Oh, I suppose I should say "allegedly". He hasn't been indicted yet, or convicted yet. However, I think I can make a pretty good guess about his eventual fate based on his stirring defense. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"There's two sides to each story, and we'll have a chance in the right forum to express our side of it."
Oh, he's fucked. Because one side of the story involves stashing $90,000 in cash in his freezer. Did I mention that? I'm sure I at least alluded to it. Hundred dollar bills wrapped in foil and put in fucking Tupperware or some shit. FREEZER. And remember, he's from Louisiana, so I'd be willing to bet that at least once, that son of a bitch mopped his brow with a sub-zero Benjamin while muttering "I do declare!" And fucking a pig.
Any one of you fuckers who think this suddenly levels the corruption playing field can go twist yourselves into a pretzel and cram it. This is not to say that Democrats are pure and holy and Republicans are going door to door bribe-shopping. But add up the numbers and you'll see the truth - you don't bribe people without power. That's just a waste of money. The GOP is in charge, the GOP can get things done, and it's the GOP who's taking the lion's share of the bribes. They're just not stupid enough to do it in cash. In a freezer. And have I mentioned A FUCKING FREEZER?
William Jefferson is a politician first, a Louisianan second, and a Democrat third. He gets no sympathy from me on any of those counts. All corrupt politicians should be kicked out and replaced, if for no other reason than to avoid the massive concentration of wealth that occurs due to the combination of bribery and incumbency. Let's at least make the people buying our government have to update their PDA's every two years.