The Opposite Of Joy

« January 2008 »


I must have missed a memo. When did The View become the central battleground between the forces of rationality and people whose names start with S-h-e-r? It's bad enough that we've got co-host Sherri Shepherd sparring with Whoopi Goldberg over the shape of the earth and the historical order of Greeks, Romans, and Christians. But now some other fucking nutjob all up in arms because of something Joy Behar said about Christianity. And her name? Sher Zieve.

Now, while the forces of good can never have too many recruits, I'd like to officially express my displeasure at having to come to the defense of Joy Behar, or for that matter, anything to do with The View. I spend most of my days in blissful ignorance of anything that happens on ABC during the day, and bitterly resent any time that protective shell is shattered. So Sher Zieve already has one mark against her just for that.

She gets another mark against her for writing for Family Security Matters, one of the Internet's primo havens for hyperactive pants-pissing wingnuttery. Even as we speak, a visitor to their front page could learn about "The Terror Apologist in the Edwards Camp", and whether "Muslim Gang Culture" is "Coming To A Town Near You?". Oh, and straight from NewsMax, another iteration of the "Obama Is A Sekrit Muslim Spy" smear.

So amongst this crowd for whom even the slightest hint of Mecca is a signal to dive under the bed, screaming, what is Joy Behar's crime? It needs to be read to be believed. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"As Christians throughout the world continue to be oppressed and even murdered by Islamofacists, demi-celeb Joy Behar seems to have decided to join the oppressors."

That's a hell of a first sentence. I'm not sure where to start. With the "throughout the world" that is true only if you ignore seventy-five to eighty percent of the world? The idea of Joy Behar oppressing anyone in any way other than sonically? Or the fact that Sher Zieve can't spell "Islamofascist"?

This is the first fucking rule of neologisms, people. If you adopt a retarded, meaningless word to make your bigotry and fear seem more legitimate, fine. But you HAVE TO LEARN TO SPELL IT. You don't get to drop an "s" from it because you're lazy or stupid. It's your goddamned word. If you don't take care of it, we'll have to put it to sleep and you can never have another made-up word again.

So how did Behar decide to oppress Christians? What route did she take to garner what Zieve claims is the "publicity to bolster and polish her fading star"? She said that the people in the past who heard voices and had visions and became saints because of it would be on psychological medication in the modern days. Oh, as Zieve puts it, "Behar compared belief in Christianity – specifically miracles – as merely some form of mental illness.". Whatever.

In the interests of critical analysis, I must point out that other than Zieve's article, the sum total of all the "publicity" Behar got for her statements, per Google News, is one Newsbusters article, one mention in America Magazine, and one mention on FOX News. All criticism from rabid conservatives. So that fucks that theory right in the ear. And let's face it, what Behar said was, at worst, late night dorm room philosophy 101. I'm surprised she didn't segue into planets being atoms in some other giant universe.

Zieve pads the rest of her column with boilerplate Persecuted Christian bullshit of little or no note, bringing up Rosie O'Donnell, the War on Christmas, and lots of projection, including accusing "Leftists" of "fudging facts". In the interest of NOT fudging facts, then, I am required to inform you that while other people on the Internet have made a connection between conservative political commentator (and, according to her bio, author) Sher Zieve and the science fiction author Sherrie Zieve, I myself do not have the level of confidence in that connection required for me to state it as fact. Even though "Zieve" is not a common name. And even though Sherrie Zieve, on a website for her book "Earthseed", which has since been scrubbed from the Internet and would not be visible were it not for the Wayback Machine, claims that the inspiration for her book was "information in the form of a vision".

And therefore I am forced to conclude that it is entirely possible that Sher Zieve, who is very, very angry at Joy Behar for suggesting that people who had visions were crazy; and Sherrie Zieve, who had visions of massive volcanic eruptions in the 90s, are two completely different people. And really, Sher Zieve is funny enough on her own.