Unions Supporting Democrats

« November 2007 »

Memo to South Carolina's Democrats: YOU ARE STILL DUMB.

Even though you're lucky.

It's said that the two biggest supporters of Democrats are Hollywood and labor unions, but I'm pretty sure this isn't what they meant. Because the only thing between the decision to keep Stephen Colbert off the South Carolina ballot and a huge, fucking blunder for Democrats is the Hollywood writers' strike.

Last Thursday, the executive council of the South Carolina Democratic Party voted 13-3 to keep Colbert's comedy-based, South Carolina-only, snack-chip sponsored presidential campaign from moving forward. Why? Because people like Waring Howe don't understand comedy. You would think a guy named Waring Howe would have heard a lot of jokes in his life, but if he did, he didn't learn from them. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"He's really trying to use South Carolina Democrats as suckers so he can further a comedy routine. He serves to detract from the serious candidates on the ballot."

That's precisely the kind of fucked up false choice Democrats excel at. You know, like how they think they can go along with the President OR be criticized as weak on national security. Keeping Colbert from running won't keep him from using South Carolina Democrats as suckers to further a comedy routine. The only thing that could stop that would be if, oh, say some external circumstance forced him off the air for weeks.

And just because it's happening this time doesn't mean Democrats should pat themselves on the back. It was still a stupid move. Yes, Colbert's presidential candidacy was a joke. But the choice wasn't between being part of the joke, or being serious about politics. The choice was being a participant in the joke, or the butt of it.

The biggest possible downside for Colbert's run would be how well he actually performed in the primary. So? So he pulls down more votes than three or four of the bottom-feeders? Whoop-de-shit. Anyone who gets beaten by Colbert in South Carolina already knows they're not going to be President. They've already been knocked out by the media, and by "the media", I don't mean late-night cable comedy. Colbert on the ballot is the least of their worries.

By denying Colbert, all they did was drop a great big fucking boulder in the naturally-flowing comedy stream. The joke WAS heading in a way that would make Democrats look BETTER, not worse. Thanks to the filing fee thing (Colbert tried to get on the Dem ballot because it only cost $2,500, compared to the $35,000 for Republicans), the GOP wouldn't be getting nearly as much of the show's time. And while not all press is good press, this would have been good press. For, ironically, the exact reason those 13 doofuses thought it would be bad press.

We're supposed to be the party without the stick up its ass. Or if there is a stick up its ass, it's shorter. And not a platinum rod encrusted with pearls. Pearls made from the ground up and compressed bones of homeless people. It's George W. Bush who was so bothered by Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents' Dinner that he was followed this year by Rich "Not Edgy Enough For Branson" Little. What's wrong with positioning Democrats as the party that can take a fucking joke? There's a general undercurrent of frustration with the status quo in this country. And bumping Colbert off the ballot is definitely status quo.

So they're really, really goddamned lucky that Colbert won't be able to hammer on them for weeks or months on end. The writers strike will likely keep him off the air for who knows how long, and the interruption may end up derailing the presidential campaign bit entirely. Not that Waring Howe and his baker's dozen of no-fun power brokers could have planned on that. They were much too busy trying not to be seen as suckers. Good job with that, guys.