American Sinestros

Racism, 12 October 2007

Memo to the Islamopantshits: YOU ARE DUMB.

Stupid fuckers. If you can coin a word, I can coin a word that sort of sounds like the word you coined. And mine's funnier. And it's more accurate. I mean, they seem to sling Islamofascist at anyone brown they don't like. I'm surprised they haven't called Hugo Chavez one yet. Maybe Tom Tancredo told them Chavez was Mexican.

An Islamopantshit, on the other hand, is simply anyone who craps themselves every time they see a turban. then tries to distract you from the smell with all the bluster they have at their disposal. You can generally spot one by their reaction when confronted with any public realization that Muslims exist in America, and may in fact have a life and a role beyond selling white people kabobs and calling them "boss".

Whether it's a foot bath in a college dorm, a mosque being built down the street, or a copy of the Koran, well, pretty much fucking anywhere, an Islamopantshit will run around in circles, pooping constantly and squawking about how the caliphate is coming. You want to know how irrational these fuckers are? They're scared of GREEN LIGHT.

There are only two reasons to be afraid of green light. First, you're in the woods, and it's pouring out of the underside of an alien saucer vessel. Second, you're Sinestro. In all other situations, when confronted with green light, you can feel free to relax, knowing that you are in fact no less safe from terrorism or Islamic domination than you are under a broader spectrum of illuminating wavelengths.

This advice is, of course, completely lost on Debbie Schlussel and "Jack M." of the Ace of Spades blog, both of whom have been picking corn out of their Hanes since they heard the Empire State Building would be lit up green to commemorate the end of Ramadan. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Do you think this would happen if Rudy Giuliani were still Mayor? Let me give you a hint, Empire State Building. As far as the islamic nutbars you are bending over for are concerned, your 'green lights' are nothing more than a 'go' signal to hit your building next. This is a disgrace. Have you capitulated to the Caliphate already, New York? Is the Big Apple now to be known as the Big Fig?"

It's like he's got a checklist. Giuliani worship, anal sex reference, hope for another terrorist strike on American soil, reference to America being under Islamic rule, culturally insensitive and unfunny pun based on a limited knowledge of Middle East produce.

Jake may not realize that Ramadan has been celebrated for hundreds of years, and is not a monthlong festival designed to celebrate the toppling of the World Trade Center. Americans have been fasting for that month since long before Jake M. knew what "caliphate" meant. Actually, let me change that, because he still doesn't know that. Since long before he knew what "hint" meant.

Of course, the Empire State Building gets lit up all sorts of different colors, for all sorts of stuff. I'm sure if Jake asked, they could light it up in pink if he ever gets laid. It's a New York tradition. A tradition that Debbie Schlussel, obviously irritated at Malkin shooting past her in the Guano Loco competition (Female Blogger Division), manages to take credit for and denounce in the space of a few paragraphs.

According to Schlussel, who is about as reliable a witness as the guy who signed the Tommy Flanagan / Morgan Fairchild wedding certificate, it was her cousin Mallory who, as a child, got the Empire State Building to change its red and green Christmas lights to blue and white Hanukkah lights for one night. Thereby RUINING EVERYTHING FOR EVERYBODY.

"That's why I'm not so sure--even though we were all proud of Cousin Mallory then--that her idea about making a non-major Jewish holiday get equal booking with Christmas, the most important of Christmas holidays in what is has always been and remains for now, thankfully, a Christian country. Because of that, now the religion of hijackers wants its equal footing atop one of America's tallest buildings, too. But, in fact, that religion already lit up two of America's tallest towers, already. And that's the only chance it should have gotten."

I have to say, when it comes to terrified racist rhetoric, Schlussel does not lack in the skills department. "Religion of hijackers"? That's a special kind of talent. In three words, she not only trivialized millions of Muslims, the vast majority of whom haven't even hijacked a conversation; she actually trivialized the ACT OF HIJACKING. Which has a long and storied history that Islam has only contributed a fraction to.

By the way, I hope you liked Schlussel's "light up the buildings" bit. Because she certainly did. She used it THREE MORE TIMES. Once using a picture. I wonder if she's secretly thankful for 9/11 every time she hits "post". I mean, sure, we lost two buildings and thousands of lives, but in return, she got a rhetorical well that never runs dry, no matter how many times she dips into it. Emphasis on the "dips".