Insanity
Democrats, 21 September 2007
Memo to Amy Klobuchar: YOU ARE AMONGST THE DUMB.
I cannot believe I'm writing this column. That's just barely hyperbole. I'm clearly writing it, so as an objective observer I have to believe it's happening, but I'm still pretty fucking astonished about it. Oh, sure, I figured, between Wednesday and today, that I'd be doing SOMETHING about the Democrats giving away consequence-free filibusters all week like they were bathroom blowjobs. That's bad enough, but it's within established stupidity parameters and therefore inevitable.
But then I read about the 72-25 vote in favor of the sham resolution condemning MoveOn.org for the sham controversy about their ad slamming Petraeus for his sham testimony. You know what that means? That there are 22 Democrats, including my very own uber-progressive Amy Klobuchar, who cannot perform even the most elementary political arithmetic. And that there are another 28 of them, including their leader Harry Reid, who cannot explain it to them convincingly. This is what we in the business call a clusterfuck of gargantuan proportions.
It's been almost a year, so my memory's a little foggy, but I'm pretty goddamned sure that when I voted to send Amy Klobuchar to Washington, I didn't do it so she could openly participate in and enable Republican stunts. Which is so clearly what this is that arguing the point would be a waste of both our time.
Why the hell would Klobuchar vote for this? Traditional politics provides three potential answers: she believes in it, she was paid to, or she was afraid of it being used against her if she didn't. I'm guessing there was no bribery, and she's not up for re-election for another five years. And I'll tell you something - if, five years from now, anybody in politics remembers, much less mentions, the General Betray Us ad, I'll be gobsmacked.
And, you know, one of the ways you make damn sure that nobody remembers the Betray Us ad in five years time is to make sure the ad doesn't gain traction in the popular culture. And one of the best ways to make sure it doesn't gain traction in the popular culture is to allow the fucking news channels to rightfully claim BROAD BIPARTISAN SUPPORT for the condemnation. You make it a party line vote, and you change the narrative. Change the narrative, you change history.
And if she's so stupid as to actually believe that MoveOn needs to be condemned, you STILL don't vote for the stunt. Feel free to quietly stop taking their money if you'd like, but when it hits the Senate floor, smile, shut the fuck up, and stop helping your opponents screw you.
This is why, if it weren't for the whole opposing everything they stand for thing, is why I'd love to be a Republican. Because they understand this shit. Do I even have to ask what would have happened one year ago if the Democrats brought forward a resolution condemning Ann Coulter or Rush Limbaugh for one of the even more offensive things they've said? It wouldn't have gotten 22 Republicans voting for it. It wouldn't have gotten ONE Republican voting for it. It wouldn't have gotten ANYBODY to vote for it, because it wouldn't have gotten out of committee. In fact, Democrats wouldn't have been INVITED TO THE FUCKING MEETING where they would have decided not to let it out of committee.
This is how the game is being played, and if you can't play it, step the hell aside and make room for someone who can. Because you're not being bipartisan, you're not going to seem moderate, you're not going to score points with independents, and you're NOT HELPING.