Break Out The Bubbly

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Memo to Jerry Falwell: SEE YA, WOULDN'T WANNA BE YA.

Let's get this right out of the fucking way up front. The only people not truly, genuinely gladdened by the passing of Jerry Falwell are crazy people and, I assume, his family. Now, lots of other people will be SAYING they're not gladdened, but that's because they feel they have to lie to maintain decorum and not seem gleeful at the passing of a fellow human being.

Well, tough shit. I'm gleeful, and I don't care who knows it. I don't think it reflects badly on me, or liberals, or the blogosphere that I'm happier today because that asshole stopped breathing. Especially the blogosphere, since I'm not even part of it.

Sure, it's unseemly to rejoice in someone's death simply because you disagree with their politics, but that's not what's happening here, and anyone who tries to tell you it IS what's happening here should be punched in the head for being a moron. What's happening here is that someone who was bad for society, bad for America, and bad for the fucking human race can no longer cause additional harm. Ergo: PARTY HAT TIME.

It wasn't his politics per se that made Falwell such a blot on the collective genome. Oh, it doesn't help, but lots of people share Falwell's politics, and I don't want to do clumsy jigs when they're found face down in the carpet. No, it was Falwell's life of deliberately accruing wealth and power, and then systematically using that power to make the world worse that allows us to skip the mourning part of "mourning his passing".

It wasn't that he was a conservative, and it wasn't that he was a Christian. He was a dick. And the world's better off without dicks, so the world's better off without him. Ironically, it's my belief that the world is better off without dicks like Falwell that makes me support the death penalty in principle, but it's the fact that the power of it might be VESTED in dicks like Falwell that makes me oppose it in practice.

That said, I do have regrets in regard to Falwell's death. I regret how simple it was. With someone like Falwell, you always regret it when they're found alone, and not in a room full of terrified hookers (of both genders) and a small fortune in illegal substances. Alternately, it would have been sweet irony if Jerry Falwell had, perhaps, perished in one of those natural disasters he's always crediting as God's vengeance upon the sinners. But we take what we can get.

And it's not like his death will drastically improve things. Falwell wasn't the entire dickish religious right. He wasn't even the most prominent lately. And the institutions he established in life, like his tardfarm at Liberty College, will continue after his death. But, again, we take what we can get.

Not every life is precious. Not every life is equally valued. Some deaths don't diminish us at all. In fact, about the only way Falwell's death COULD diminish us is if, like many before him, we avoid speaking ill of the dead when the dead themselves never avoided DOING ill. If we don't remember him as we was, but instead remember him as we would like to be seen to be remembering him.

In that spirit, ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"I listen to feminists and all these radical gals. ... These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They're sexist. They hate men; that's their problem." - Jerry Falwell, 1933 - Not Soon Enough.