Let's Get It Out Of The Way

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Memo to Iran: SORRY FOR BOMBING YOU.

I just want to get this apology taken care of early, honestly. Because we're so totally going to bomb the living shit out of Iran before the year's out. It's obvious the people in charge want to, and it's obvious the people most in a position to stop them aren't going to do a goddamn thing.

So, sorry for all the civilian casualties, and the hardship caused by damage to infrastructure. I won't be preemptively apologizing for any radioactive fallout, because, well, even the most hardened cynic has to have a tiny flame of hope, if only to allow him to see the fine details of his cynicism in the dark. If it turns out that flame gets extinguished, I take small comfort that something, somewhere, will be providing a glow.

They wanna. Let's dispense here and now with the civilized pretense that the people in charge have even the tiniest shred of pure intentions or honest motives. Because they haven't demonstrated any evidence for that EVER. Not now, not six years ago, and not when most of these fuckers were propping up Reagan and Nixon. Take the track record, and all you need for proof is ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"I guess my reaction to all the noise about, you know, 'he wants to go to war', is first of all I don't understand the tactics, and I guess I would say it's political." - George W. Bush, who's therefore going to bomb the ever-loving shit out of Iran this year. You don't send three fucking carrier groups to the Persian Gulf because it looks so pretty at sunset.

They're lying fuckers. And the two primary characteristics of lying fuckers is that one, they are fuckers, and two, they LIE. Constantly. Consistently. They lied the exact same way about Iraq. Bush would come out of secret meetings where they were "planning" the Iraq War and tell everyone it was all up to Saddam. So who's going to stop him? Absolutely Nobody and his brother Fucking. Everyone in a position to have a chance at stopping him voluntarily handed their dicks over years ago.

First, not one goddamn person in the administration has suffered not one goddamn consequence for the LAST set of instigational bullshit. They just sort of kind of busted Douglas Feith for "inappropriately" lying about Saddam and Al Qaeda, and a week later he's writing an op-ed in the Washington Post saying they didn't actually catch him doing anything wrong. Scooter Libby's on trial, but since the case has spent the last three years being spun into oblivion, it doesn't matter.

Similarly, nobody in the media has suffered for being stupidly wrong about Iraq, so I don't know why anybody's surprised they're being even more stupid about Iran. Michael Gordon, the New York Times writer who, along with Judith Miller, was responsible for the obscene "aluminum tubes" lie, is still writing for the Times, only now it's how Iran is responsible for Iraqi roadside bombs. The press is more than willing to print anything "anonymous administration officials" say to them, because by the time it's obvious to MORONS that it's all a bunch of hot air, it'll be too late.

The Democrat-controlled Congress? It is to laugh. They're all lining up for 2008. They can't even do anything about the LAST war. By the time they get around to maybe possibly seeing if they can stop a US attack on Iran, it'll all be over.

Of course, there's always the American people... ah, fuck it. I can't even type that with a straight face.

And even if all those people did step up and say, "Hey, maybe we shouldn't bomb Iran, what with fear of the United States being the only thing keeping their nutjob president in power, and anyway, Bush and Cheney can't be trusted to accurately tell the time, so there's no reason to listen to them now."

Bush'll do it anyway, because he doesn't give a fuck. And when he touches off his final, legacy-cementing clusterfuck, not a one of you who allowed it to happen by voting for him, by enabling him, by making excuses for him, or by actively supporting him, will feel as responsible as you should.

So sorry, Iran. And consider it an apology on behalf of all the fucks from the previous paragraph. They're shallow, they love tax cuts, and they hate brown people, and you were in the way of something or other.