Happy Birthday, Chuck

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Memo to all you creationist monkeys out there: HAPPY DARWIN DAY, FUCKERS.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating. Creationists are the stupidest people on the planet. And remember, I'm not talking the "God caused the Big Bang and evolution" creationists. They're harmless. I'm talking about young-earth, Darwin Wuz Wrong, I ain't no goddamn monkey, get your filthy secular science out of my child's classroom creationists.

And let's try to keep one thing perfectly clear. Whenever you hear about the "debate" or the "controversy" regarding evolution, someone is lying to you. The lie that creationism, no matter what you call it, can be set up alongside evolution as equals, duking it out in the court of public opinion, is the biggest success of the creationist movement to date. And they've been helped along by a dim-witted media that thinks objectivity means not picking a side between Truth and Lie.

And one of the biggest fallacies used to promote the lie that the two groups are roughly equal is the idea that Darwin"ism" is a belief the same as creationism, that both have followers that rely solely on faith. There are two problems with this. The first is that this idea pits the "common man" of the two groups against each other. I mean, you pull some random schmo off the street who's not a creationist, and he'll tell you that human beings evolved. But he won't know why. He won't know about the evidence and the work done to support that theory. Maybe he'll say that humans evolved from chimps, instead of the more accurate idea that they have a common ancestor. Ask a creationist, and apart from point of view, you'll probably get much the same result. They don't know either.

Of course, the creationists don't know because there isn't any evidence. And any work done has been done by agenda-driven non-scientists who aren't trying to prove something, just trying to poke holes in century-old science to convince people the whole thing is wrong. It's like saying Jim's Janitorial Service is the same as Microsoft, because they both have people emptying trash cans.

The second problem is that creationists have faith, but even the most ignorant "follower of Darwin" isn't relying on faith, they're relying on TRUST. The difference is vital. Faith is internal. Faith does not require proof, or evidence. Faith is self-sustaining. Trust, on the other hand, is earned. I trust the scientific method, because throughout history, it's got a pretty remarkable track record of advancing human knowledge and weeding out the charlatans and the corrupt who've sought to manipulate that knowledge for their own personal gain. It's not perfect, but in the long run, our entire civilization rests on the fact that science is usually right, and when science is wrong, the people best suited to realize it are OTHER SCIENTISTS.

When creationism, as a philosophy, results in something as nifty as a Wii controller, then maybe I'll lighten up on them a bit. But as long as all they have to show for it is a board game, a crappy museum, and people in Kansas arguing, they get the pointing and laughing that they deserve.

And speaking of that crappy museum, I think it's interesting that the Creation Museum in Ohio, which I first talked about back in 2005 is still not open yet. It's about two years behind schedule, if my references are correct. I can only assume that the traditional method of construction, involving small changes over time, was deemed unacceptable by Answers In Genesis, so they had to look for a way to have the museum spring forth fully formed over the course of six days while still meeting Kentucky building codes.

But I kid Answers In Genesis. Mainly because they're not that bright. On the other hand, I have got to give props to their president, Ken Ham, because he says the kind of things that will be incredibly useful down the road in court cases when creationists try to present themselves as reasonable folks. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"The Bible, where it touches on science or any subject including same-sex marriage, race or abortion, is totally trustworthy. As a revelation of history from the beginning to the end of time, the Bible is the foundation that enables us to construct the big picture and have the right approach in geology, biology, physics and astronomy. - Ken Ham, quoted in an article pitting the American Museum of National History up against Ham's as-yet-unfinished Hall of Idiocy.

In addition to being laughable on the face of it, his little aside there makes me REALLY want to know what he thinks the Bible's position on race is, and how that trustworthy Biblical perspective should be implemented in modern policy. But unless someone licks Ken Ham three times before biting him, I fear the world may never know.