All Tedious Bullshit Is Local

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Memo to Dean Johnson, Brent Waldemarsen, state senate Republicans, and, oh, anybody else within, say, a 300-mile radius of St. Paul, Minnesota, just to be safe. YOU ARE DUMB.

You're all dumb, you can all fuck off, none of you have the moral high ground, shut up, go away. I don't want to be writing about this. It's draining in its banality, exhausting in its pointlessness. It is the personification of political ennui.

Recap. Gays. Marriage. Bigots. Amendment. Pastors. Meeting. Johnson. Democrat. Speaking. Lied. Taped. Caught. Apologized. Controversy!

Johnson, the Democratic majority leader of the state Senate, said we don't need an amendment banning gay marriage because justices on the state Supreme Court told him there's no way in hell they'd overturn the law banning gay marriage. Which is a problematic statement on at least three levels if it's TRUE.

The conversation shouldn't have happened in the first place, it's a shitty answer to the problem, and why the fuck is Dean Johnson trying to appease a room full of homophobic pastors in the first place? We wouldn't know about any of this, of course, if pastor Brent Waldemarsen hadn't secretly taped the meeting and leaked the information to the press. Which is a dick move, compounded by his protestations that it was mere coincidence that he was recording when Johnson said something politically embarrassing, and that he isn't being political at all. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"I'm not really interested in the politics of stuff, as a rule. I'm not a political activist. It's not something I truly enjoy. But I have a strong conviction on the state of marriage. I've been seeing how some states are overturning their DOMA [Defense of Marriage] laws and it alarmed me. I thought, this is something I have to get involved in."

If you feel the need to get involved in the gay marriage debate, and are turning embarrassing tapes of public officials over to bigot-advocacy groups like Minnesotans for Marriage, then guess what? You've just become a political activist. Pick up your ID badge and complimentary gift bag at the registration table and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

So, Johnson was wrong, Waldemarsen was wrong. Can we get the trifecta?

"...if we do nothing we are giving tacit approval to unethical conduct ... if it was one of our Senate Republican caucus members, we would be obliged to set aside partisan differences and seek the facts." - Republican state senators Claire Robling and Mike McGinn, filing an ethics complaint against Johnson.

Notice they didn't say they would, just that they'd be OBLIGATED to. I could compile a list of things Republican legislators across the country are OBLIGATED to do, yet seem to be fine with not doing, but I'd hate for the scroll wheels of my entire readership to melt from the friction.

So. Johnson, wrong and a doofus. Waldemarsen, wrong and a dickhead. Robling and McGinn, dumb and hypocrites. Me, left wondering why the sweet fuck I'm even still reading about this, much less writing about it. So fuck 'em all. Fuck 'em for trying for the amendment, fuck 'em for appeasing the bigots, fuck 'em for the followthrough. Fuck all y'all who wrote letters to the editor, too. If you're going to annoy me, BE MORE INTERESTING.