Your Insane Gyno-Con Roundup

« February 2006 »

Memo to the Gyno-Cons: YOU ARE DUMB.

And when I say Gyno-Cons, I'm not talking about the most disturbing line of Transformers ever. That honor is, and shall forever be, held by the Han Solo and Chewbacca that each transform into half of the Millennium Falcon. No, it's not out yet, but look it up. If you dare.

No, the Gyno-Cons are that particular breed of power-suited, female archconservatives - your Michelle Malkins, your Michelle Bachmanns, and, of course, the protogynocon, Ann Coulter. Women who make Newt Gingrich seem like the soul of reason. Women who earn huge salaries and book advances decrying feminism and discussing topics that, had it not BEEN for feminism, they would be instructed not to worry their pretty little heads about.

For some reason, sentiments like "Japanese internment camps were a good idea" aren't the career-ending nightmare they would be if uttered by someone without breasts. I don't pretend to understand it, but Coulter, Malkin, Michael Savage, and Rush Limbaugh all somehow manage to hide behind their tits.

How else to explain Coulter, last Friday, uttering the following at the Conservative Political Action Conference, without it causing more than the tiniest ripples? GYNO-CONS, TRANSFORM AND SPEAK OUT!

"I think our motto should be, post-9-11, 'raghead talks tough, raghead faces consequences.'"

Now, even by Ann Coulter standards, that's a smidge racist. But she got a pass, as did the thousands of attendees who cheered her for slinging ethnic slurs. We like to think that nobody really takes Ann seriously, but only part of her audience tunes in to watch the freak show. The rest tune in because they empathize with it.

There are, however, two bright silver linings to the Ann Coulter saga today. The first is that she might be a bit too busy soon to make more speeches insulting entire ethnic groups. You see, Ann recently moved to Florida. And recently voted in Palm Beach's council election. And while we don't know if she dipped her finger in purple ink afterwards, we DO know that she was in the wrong district when she did it.

Normally, this would not be a problem. In Florida, if you go to the wrong precinct by mistake, they only turn you away if you're black. But Ann, um, gave them an address in the district when she voted. To a place she's never lived. To a place she only had her mail forwarded to for a while. Which means when she signed the legally binding certification that all the information she was providing was true... OOPS.

I'm not under the delusion that anything truly fun will happen as a result - she'll probably claim executive privilege and get away with it - but she might be mildly inconvenienced by it. We take what we can get.

And I did mention TWO silver linings. Because as bad as Ann Coulter is, nobody ever elected her to anything. Which is more than can be said of Australia, where one of their very own Gyno-Cons, Danna Vale, is a member of Parliament.

Vale made the news recently because of RU-486. Because Australia is almost as fucked up as we are, they're still arguing over RU-486 too. Apparently, there's a movement underway to give Parliament control over the drug's fate even after the Australian equivalent of the FDA says the drug is safe. The usual embryofetishist bullshit. But Vale took it one step further. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"I've actually read in the Daily Telegraph where a certain imam from the Lakemba mosque actually said that Australia is going to be a Muslim nation in 50 years' time. I didn't believe him at the time but when you actually look at the birthrates and you look at the fact that we are aborting ourselves almost out of existence by a 100,000 abortions every year. You multiply that by 50 years, that's 5 million potential Australians we won't have here.

That's right, folks. If white Australians* don't stop having abortions, they'll be over-run by the Muslim hordes. I thought this "clash of civilizations" bullshit was as oversimplified as geopolitics could get, but no. Now it's apparently down to a head-count. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, and we shall fight in the census!

And she actually gets to vote on shit down there! That'd be like electing Alan Keyes to the Senate, or letting Ann Coulter decide.. anything, really. I wouldn't trust Ann Coulter to pick out a pair of socks, much less vote on pharmaceutical policy. But Danna Vale is a member of Parliament. Doesn't that make you feel a tiny bit better about the US of A?

*I'm comfortable making that leap in this case, as any Muslims living in Australia would seem to me to qualify as "Australians". Since Vale (a) sees the need to make the distinction, and (b) is concerned about people like her being overtaken in numbers by people like Them, the idea that she's a screaming racist fuckoid is not the Snake River Canyon of logical leaps.