What Can I Do?

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The comedy stops today.

Not because it's Valentine's Day. that's completely irrelevant and a bullshit holiday that helps nobody anyway. No, comedy stops for today because Dick Cheney shot a motherfucker.

Any time the Vice President shoots a guy, I gotta take a pass. Because unless it's eighteen-fucking-forty, the Vice President shooting a guy is the only thing any news-based comedy is gonna talk about for the rest of the week.

I mean, POW! Shotgun to the face! A 65-year-old Cheney popping a 78-year-old dude in a "hunting accident". Fuck that. Cheney didn't have his quail-hunting stamp. I'm guessing the AARP has started hosting Most Dangerous Game events as a solution to the Social Security crisis.

OK, maybe a bit of comedy. But not much. I'm guessing someone else last night did a joke like that. I mean, there's Stewart, Colbert, Leno, Conan, Letterman, Ferguson, Olbermann, Franken... I'm not sure, but I think Scott Hamilton made two jokes about it between figure skating routines. This story's going to get covered in comedy like Harry Whittington's face got covered in buckshot.

I will make one prediction, though. I guaran-damn-tee that as soon as Willingham is released from the hospital, Cheney's gonna leave the bunker for the arms-around-the-shoulders conciliatory photo op. Cheney will be thankful Willingham's OK, but not apologize, and Willingham, having signed a waiver promising not to talk to Patrick Fitzgerald in exchange for getting out of the hospital alive, will take all the blame for the accident.

At least, that's how I think it'll go down.