This Dickwad Again

« December 2005 »

Memo Bush DUMB.

I can't even be bothered to type the whole thing out again. I mean, your John Howards suck, there's no doubt, but there really is something unique and short-bus special about the way our Il Douche sucks.

What other leader, in the history of mankind, has had to go on national television and defend himself against repeated charges that he's a lonely, isolated man-child trapped in a yes-man bubble of his own design? Only our George. Awesome.

Actually, while it's sad that he has to try to make that defense, in some ways, it really is awesome that he feels the need to make that defense. It means the perception is sticking to the point it can no longer be ignored. At least four long years too late, of course, but we take what we can get.

So the President sits down with Brian Williams, who, if The Daily Show is anything to go by, is really sharp. And, by the debased, lowered standards of modern journalism, he actually goes for the throat on the second question. Shows ol' George copies of Newsweek and Time, and asks him about the reports that he's a clueless fuckhead who needs Dick Cheney to find his own poophole, and tell him it's dispensing candy. My words, not Williams. And this is how the leader of the last remaining superpower responds.

"No, I don't feel in a bubble. [*] Look, I feel like I'm getting really good advice from very capable people and that people from all walks of life have informed me and informed those who advise me. And I feel very comfortable that I'm very aware of what's going on. I just talked to the president-elect of Honduras. A lot of my job is foreign policy. and I spend an enormous amount of time with leaders from other countries. And they come right here in the Oval Office and tell me what's on their mind and I tell them what's on my mind.

People who are aware of what's going on are aware that they're aware of what's going on. That's part of what being aware of what's going on is all about. They don't FEEL COMFORTABLE THEY'RE AWARE. That's a level of complacency, of contentment, that is completely at odds with what's going on.

I'm also very disappointed that this quote wasn't immediately followed by Brian Williams giving Bush the back of his strong pimp hand. The second most powerful man in the world feels the need to explain to the anchor of one of the most important news programs in that same world that yes, as President, he gets to talk to foreign leaders. He sounds like an eight year old in front of a chalkboard. What next? "Also, I have to wear a suit a lot."

By the way, "I don't feel in a bubble", which, to be fair, was echoing Williams' wording, was turned into the much more assured, much more definitive "I don't live in a bubble" in numerous Liberal Media headlines. But I think the semantic difference between the two is obvious.

If there's one thing that drives me absolutely bugfuck about the past five years, it's the way every single debate has been reduced to the level of an elementary school starter dictionary. Williams asks Bush about the charge that racism played a part in the Hurricane Katrina response. Here's what your president said.

"That is absolutely wrong. And I reject that. Frankly, that's the kind of thing that — you can call me anything you want — but do not call me a racist. I remember saying that, when I thanked those chopper drivers from the Coast Guard who performed brilliantly, they didn't lower those booms to pick up people saying, 'What color skin do you have?' They said, 'A fellow American's in jeopardy. And I'm going to do my best to rescue that person.'"

If that's what you think racism is, in America, in the year 2005, then you are a fucking racist in a fucking bubble, END OF STORY. The Coast Guard didn't confirm melanin counts before picking people off of roofs? Hallefuckinglujah, the King Dream is realized at last.

And finally, let's finish up with Bush's spirited defense of another perception, that he doesn't follow the news, but instead relies on summaries from his aides. I believe this perception may exist because Bush said that's what he did, but his defense speaks for itself. I suspect a lot of words that come out of his mouth speak for themselves, out of self defense.

"I don'I see a lot of the news. Every morning I look at the newspaper. I can't say I've read every single article in the newspaper. But I definitely know what's in the news. Occasionally, I watch television... But I'm very aware of what's in the news. I'm aware because I see clips. I see summaries. I have people on my staff that walk in every morning and say, 'This is what's — this is how I see it. This is what's brewing today,' on both the domestic and international side. I mean, I read the newspaper. I mean, I can tell you what the headlines are. I must confess, if I think the story is, like, not a fair appraisal, I'll move on. But I know what the story's about."

Do you feel reassured? Because I don't feel reassured. I was actually happier thinking he didn't read the newspaper at all. Knowing that he skims the headlines, then blows off any articles he doesn't like... That's terrifying. Because there's no evidence whatsoever that Bush could identify a "fair appraisal" in a police lineup up against three Care Bears and a cheese danish.

And there's three more years fo this to come, folks.

*Retarded bit about holiday shopping for his wife excised here for all our sanity.