Campfield, Racist, Five Miles Wrong

« October 2005 »

Memo to Stacey Campfield: I dub thee KING OF THE DUMB-ASS CRACKERS.

In case you were wondering, I still hate Tennessee. They say in a democracy, you get the government you deserve, but I'm not sure even the Dumbest State in the Union deserves the Dumbest State Legistlator In The Union. Although, when I put it like that, they probably do.

Seems there's a bit of a kerfluffle going on down there, you see. Stacey Campfield - Tennessee state representative, white, Republican - decided he wanted to join the Tennessee Black Caucus. I desperately hope I don't need to explain the nature of his traditional "reverse discrimination" right-wing stunt, the same one we've seen dozens of times before. Nor why it's a crock of shit.

His request, understandably, was denied. Which has to be what he expected, and was planning for. And when it happened, Campfield began what I'm guessing was a pre-calculated outrage. And it was a doozy. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"My understanding is that the KKK doesn't even ban members by race. [The KKK] has less racist bylaws [than the Caucus]."

There you go. First rule of rational political discourse on racial matters: COMPLIMENT THE KLAN. Classic. But Campfield was not limited to the Associated Press when it came to defending himself. Oh, no. Stacey Campfield had a blog. At Blogspot - After a little while, he had to shut the comments off on the blog, because people took offense at stupid shit he posted there. You know, like a lengthy defense of his actions using the words of Martin Luther King Jr.

Now, this is bad, but this will not make you the King of the Crackers. You not only have to be racist and obstinate, you have to be dumb as fucking brick. A fucking brick that failed remedial fucking brick school. A fucking brick dropout that could only get a job in its daddy's wall, and even then can't be counted on to actually hold anything up. You have to be that dumb to be King of the Crackers, and Campfield exceeds that measure by at least sixty percent. As evidence, I point you to his blog post of Tuesday, September 27, in which he discusses people trying to tie him to racism. Take a deep breath, because this may be one of the top five dumbest ACTUAL QUOTE TIMES in this site's history. Ready? Here we go.

"I use to play a game in the 7th or 8th grade called the 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon .The object of this game was to link by association any one in the world to movie star Kevin Bacon in 7 steps or less .It was fun and simple to do. Now I have become Kevin Bacon and some people are doing all they can to link me to what ever they can (many times fabricating it on computer as they go along.We used to call this cheating when I played the game)"

Campbell is 36 years old. Same age as me. Seventh or eighth grade places that at 1983 at the latest. So right there I see, at minimum, three huge fucking problems with this statement.

PROBLEM THE FIRST: By 1983, Kevin Bacon had appeared in eight theatrical movies, two soap operas, and two TV movies. None of them were Footloose. That's barely enough for Campfield to have known who he was, and then only if he snuck into the R-Rated "Animal House", "Friday The 13th", or, least likely, "Diner", which is not the kind of behavior I think a Tennessee values Republican should be admitting to.

PROBLEM THE SECOND: Every single source I could find dates "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" to 1994, over a decade after the King Of The Crackers claims to have played this game.

PROBLEM THE THIRD AND MOST IMPORTANT: It's SIX degrees of Kevin Bacon. Not SEVEN, you racist, lying, pigfucking, Tennessee-representing dipshit. The game was named after a play. That play wasn't called "Seven Degrees Of Separation", but you wouldn't know that, 'cause it was about a black guy.

On Friday, September 30, Campfield made what I strongly suspect will be the last post for a very long time on his blog, an apology that reads like it was carefully crafted for him by the RNC. He was, of course, "misunderstood", and is only apologizing for the "misunderstanding". He's not apologizing for comparing the Caucus to the KKK. He's not apologizing for being one number off on the Kevin Bacon game. He's sorry if he was misunderstood. And like Bill Bennett, that's where they're going to hold the line.

So Stacey Campfield, wear your crown with pride. Pride in your racist douchebag heritage, pride in your Scopes-celebrating, gay-hating, deeply dysfunctional state, pride in your own accomplishments as an alleged human being. And pride in being really, really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY dumb.