Conflating Karl Rove and Bestiality

« June 2005 »


Oh, god, the Karl Rove thing. A day after the embarassing Dick Durbin apology, Karl Rove said mean things about liberals and their reaction to 9/11. Democrats immediately jumped on it, calling for Rove's resignation, but the White House and the right-wing punditocracy is standing behind old Karl. SHOCK AND HORROR.

Since it's amazingly obvious that this has to be bait to make the Democrats look bad, it's no wonder they bit at it. Rove nailed that "sweet spot" I mentioned when I talked about Dean. Short, succinct, mean but not TOO mean, and plays into people's preconceived notions enough that it comes out of the mouth pre-spun. It is precisely the kind of comment that will make the aggrieved party look like idiots for making a fuss over after about two days, and two days is all you need to get past it if everyone on your side stays on your side.

Come on. The DAY after the Durbin apology, Rove just HAPPENS to lay out what looks like a perfect payback opportunity? They may be arrogant, they may be borderline psychopaths, but they think tactically. Especially Rove. So, you know. Continue your uproar in the blogs and the leftie media, but you're not gonna get anywhere, and you're just going to give them an opportunity to talk more about Durbin and Dean.

Because if you really think Karl Rove's gonna give a tear-filled retraction on national television, you're more deluded than the Biden '08 campaign.

There are, to date, three concrete bestiality facts we have uncovered in our travels here at You Are Dumb. In Louisiana, they fuck pigs. In Wisconsin, they fuck cows. In Georgia, they fuck mules. Well, the veil has been lifted on another state and another animal. In South Carolina, they fuck dogs.

Specifically, seventeen year old Cory Williamson, if you want to look it up. It's an ugly, ugly story, with almost no comedy potential whatsoever, but for those of you following the state-animal correlation, there's another one for your notebooks. They also fuck dogs in Michigan, but only for purposes of making porn, and so I think, by the self-imposed rules of the game, that doesn't count. I do think it's telling that when the Michigan dogfuckers got found out, it's believed they fled to Oklahoma. I can only assume it's because they'd blend in.

There's a new flag-burning amendment winding its way to the Senate. You know what that means? SMOKE 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM!

Nora Ephron's "Bewitched" opens today. In case you hadn't heard, it stars Will Ferrell as an actor making a remake of "Bewitched", and Nicole Kidman as his co-star, only she's really a witch. It's precisely the kind of metatextual, ironic, fourth-wall breaking, genre-aware movie we were all sick of ten years ago when they did it with the Bradys.

As a result, all YAD readers who may be working on time machines should be aware that Nora Ephron is now #2 on the Utopia List, behind Sherwood Schwartz, and bumping Rod Stewart to number three. REPEAT. Ephron at #2, Stewart at #3. We must remove this movie from the timestream at all costs. And getting rid of every When Harry Met Sally diner scene reference and parody is a lovely little side benefit, or what we in the temporal elimination community like to call a WIN-WIN.

There's also the new Herbie movie, but since anyone reading this column is an Internet user, I'll just assume you know many more constructive ways to look at Lindsay Lohan's tits without shelling out eight-fifty.