Same Shit, Different Details

« May 2018 »

Memo to Oliver North, Wilbur Ross, and Mo Brooks: YOU ARE DUMB.

If there’s a theme to 2018 so far, it’s same shit, different details. Malicious idiots desperately deflecting from their obvious culpability by any random bit of made-up bullshit they can pull out of their asses. It’s one of the purest expressions of IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

”They've been drugged in many cases. Nearly all of these perpetrators are male, and they're young teenagers in most cases, and they've come through a culture where violence is commonplace. Many of these young boys have been on Ritalin since they were in kindergarten. Now, I am certainly not a doctor, I'm a Marine, but I can see those kinds of things happening." - Oliver North, the new president of the NRA, because back in the 80s he got “liberals” mad at him and that’s the only thing any conservative needs on their resume anymore.

Sweet merciful fuckmonkeys, it’s 2018, I’m nearly fifty years old, and I STILL HAVE TO LISTEN TO OLIVER NORTH AS PART OF THE PUBLIC DISCOURSE. Maybe stop letting people who’ve flamed out and disgraced themselves publicly back into the swing of things, America. I mean, Oliver North spent the late 80s procuring weapons for a bunch of right-wing militias who really shouldn’t have had them... oh. OK. I see what the NRA did there.

Anyway, the same shit is blaming the latest school shooting on Something Anything That Isn’t Guns, and the thing that’s different this time what’s being blamed, which in Oliver North’s case is Ritalin, even though there’s less than zero evidence for that. In the case of Texas’ lieutenant governor, it’s “too many entrances”, showing that he’s the intellectual victim of decades of right-wing homophobes insisting that entrances and exits are two different things and should never be combined in the same opening. But at least Oliver North is doing his job, ensuring that this generation will in fact be part of a culture where violence is commonplace.

“61 million families have already been exposed to the question and the sky has not fallen. So I don’t think the sky will fall when we add it to the census itself in 2020.” - Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, on the citizenship question our dipshit leadership are adding to the census to intimidate immigrants.

This is some seriously old-school shit. Like, the 40s. It’s being pushed by all the obvious people with all the obvious agendas and all the same disingenuous “what, we’re just asking a question” plausible deniability bullshit that usually accompanies this. Everyone sees through it but the press still sees fit to pretend to take it seriously, which is why everything’s on fucking fire right now.

I don’t know and was unable to find out what the fuck Ross meant by people being “exposed” to the question, but in the context of the Census, a mandatory survey sent out by a government who hates immigrants so much they’ll flat-out lie about you being in MS-13 so they can deport you faster, I think people might be less willing to expose themselves. Also, I know what administration we’re dealing with here, but even so, how low a bar is “not causing the sky to fall (for white people) for a policy to clear? Hooray! It didn’t murder everyone! Complete success!

”Every time you have that soil or rock or whatever it is that is deposited into the seas, that forces the sea levels to rise, because now you have less space in those oceans, because the bottom is moving up.” - Alabama congressman Mo Brooks, actual member of the House Science, Space, and Technology committee.

Speaking of reasons everything’s on fire, both literally and figuratively, this walking, talking anthropomorphized representation of Alabama’s 43rd place school ranking is on the “Science, Space, and Technology Committee”, which should just be renamed the Pissing Off the Scientists Who Probably Knew They Were Wasting Their Fucking Time Testifying Committee, because that’s all it’s good for.

Brooks is technically correct, of course. Water displacement is in fact a thing. Even though his reference to “soil or rock or whatever it is” proves that Mo Brooks is literally dumber than dirt, he got that right. He’s just wrong that it matters. Adding a pinch of sugar to a full cup of coffee won’t make it overflow, and a few rocks landing in the Atlantic won’t fucking flood Miami. But it’s OK. I’m sure one of Mo Brooks’ aides probably read that on Facebook somewhere and told him about it, so our government is operating exactly as the Founders intended.