Assuming Civilization Survives

« September 2017 »


I remain convinced that civilization, at least, will survive the Trump administration, mainly because there's a lot of money in the continuation of civilization and that's the only factor that motivates anyone with power to do anything ever. That said, Donald Trump's speech to the United Nations seriously makes me wonder if HE knows that. IDIOT SAYS THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"The United States has great strength and patience, but if it is forced to defend itself or its allies, we will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea. Rocket Man is on a suicide mission for himself and for his regime." - Donald Trump, making the UN fondly remember Kruschev's shoe-beating.

Now, I know Donald Trump just threatened to break Andrew Jackson's presidential genocide record, but let's ignore that for now. Assuming civilization survives, I hope the secret history of the Trump presidency includes lots of details on how Trump's staff negotiated with him over stuff like this.

For example, "Rocket Man". There are a lot of things about Trump's presidency that are demonstrably awful, and yet thought brilliant and wonderful by Trump, but this nickname has to make the top three. It doesn't. It only saves one character in a tweet over Kim Jong Un's full name, for fuck's sake. But Trump loves it, and the discussions beforehand over whether or not he gets to say it, or will say it no matter what his advisors suggest, would be fascinating to find out about. Again,from the standpoint of a hypothetical post-Trump America.

"Major portions of the world are in conflict, and some, in fact, are going to hell. But the powerful people in this room, under the guidance and auspices of the United Nations, can solve many of these vicious and complex problems." - Donald Trump. Full disclosure: Time's transcript of the speech capitalized "hell", which is some style guide bullshit I fixed because unlike Time, I respect my readership.

The sad part is, the supporters Trump has left after his DACA deal? The ones who either didn't set their $40 MAGA hats on fire or regretted it and bought a new one despite their "economic insecurity"? They think this paragraph is an example of the kind of plain-speakin' anti-establishment attitude they signed on for. Because they don't know the meaning of the word "gibberish".

Even here, ostensibly praising the U.N., Trump can't help but engage in some of his trademark braggadocio. Or "talkin' nice 'bout hisself", for any Trump supporters out there. I mean, I agree he's a vicious problem the United Nations could help solve, but I don't think he's a particularly complex one. Also, and again, assuming civilization survives, I hope there are transcripts of the arguments over whether or not Trump should tell the UN that the world is going to hell.

"The not that socialism has been poorly implemented but that socialism has been faithfully implemented." - Donald Trump, to silence and light snickering from the audience.

I understand why Trump felt the need to take a cheap shot at socialism, using Venezuela as the jumping off point to do it. Well, OK, I don't think Trump felt that way per se, but one of his writers did, and it contained enough Sean Hannity trigger words for Trump to say it with conviction, like the Frankenstein of the Overton Window. SOCIALISM AND FIRE BAD!

The only problem, of course, is that there are more than a handful of successful, thriving socialist democracies in the United Nations, and every single leader in that room not standing behind a podium making a gigantic pants-load of himself knew it. If you have a chance, watch Trump stand there, waiting for the applause that line would get from one of his campaign rally audiences, trying to figure out if maybe they didn't hear him and should he say it again or just move on? You can almost smell the brain-smoke.