Awful At His Job: Talking About Storms Edition

« August 2017 »

Memo to Donald Trump: YOU ARE SO BAD AT YOUR JOB.

It is, of course, the ongoing assertion of this column that Donald Trump is an awful person who is also awful at his job. And while Hurricane Harvey didn't provide him with many opportunities to be an awful person, they gave him plenty of chances not only be singularly awful at his job, but to somehow not avoid being awful at his job in the most obvious of ways. IDIOT SAYS THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"A great book by a great guy, highly recommended!." -Donald Trump, tweeting as the Category 4 hurricane made landfall in south Texas.

There are three huge problems with this book recommendation. First, Donald Trump doesn't read at best, and can't read at worst, so there's no fucking way he knows whether Sheriff David Clarke's new book is any good or not. Second, it's Sheriff David Clarke's new book, and since Clarke's two goals in life are "make as many fake medals as possible" and "be the black Joe Arpaio", there's no fucking way his new book is any good.

And third, of course, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? Trump's defenders tell you he can do a bunch of things at once, so what does it matter if he promotes a shitty book he hasn't read by a shitty person who supports him? I'll tell you what it does. It dilutes. It throws off the median. There's a difference between 100% of the president's tweets being about the most important thing threatening US citizens that day, and 25% of his tweets doing that. One is what a president does, and the other is what an easily distracted garbage person does when you tell him he shouldn't.

"What a crowd, what a turnout." - Donald Trump, monomaniacal narcissist, reacting to the Hurricane Harvey damage.

I mean, do we even have to, at this point? He's passed beyond astonishing self-parody into the depressingly predictable, and we're only seven months in.

I guess we sort of have to, since the same day he said this was the same day it came out that the most important thing after his Phoenix rally was his disappointment at the Phoenix crowd size, as reported on by the media who Trump says never shows his crowd size. It bugged him so much that the guy responsible for the rally, George Gigicos, got "you'll never work in this town again"ed by Trump. Because his definition of "accountability" is, to nobody's suprise, very narrow and specific.

"Harvey. Sounds like such an innocent name, Ben, right? But it's not innocent." - Donald Trump talking to Ben Carson because, sure, why not?

Again, why would you say that? I mean, sure, think that, if you're some kind of free-associating dumbfuck who can't remember Lee Oswald's middle name. Think that to your heart's content, you addled, orange twit. But who the fuck wants to hear it? All hurricanes have had innocent names since everyone got all upset over Hurricane Skullfuck Your Town in 1983. They've all wrecked shit. The discrepancy between hurricanes' human names and their destructive power is not a unique insight you need to point out to us. Sure, you need to point it out to Ben Carson, because he's always asleep and also not very bright, but do it when you're not on camera.

Also, it's weird to apply morally judgmental words like "innocence" to a natural phenomenon like a hurricane, but thanks to Trump being awful at his job, that's like the least objectionable thing about his whole storm response.