The Eternal Pivot

« August 2017 »

Memo to Donald Trump, Phillip Rucker, and Tucker Carlson: YOU ARE THE REAL VICTIMS.

Slow week. I mean, it's been ages since the President of the United States lied about a neo-Nazi torch rally to try an establish a false equivalency and make sure all his far-right buddies can go on believing in white supremacy and not feel bad about it. And now, he's found the one thing that the right and the center can agree on that's way more important than hating blacks and Jews - bombing browns! IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"Finally, my administration will ensure that you, the brave defenders of the American people, will have the necessary tools and rules of engagement to make this strategy work and work effectively and work quickly. I have already lifted restrictions the previous administration placed on our war fighters that prevented the secretary of defense and our commanders in the field from fully and swiftly waging battle against the enemy.." -Donald Trump, reading the military's new strategy in Afghanistan off the prompter.

Make no mistake. This means "kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out, and not that weird brown God either, but WHITE JESUS." Which is, again, more of a "the generals" thing than a Trump thing, apart from the complete disdain for poor foreign brown life, which is just why Trump's happy to go along with it.

This, of course, won't lead to some magical victory in Afghanistan, especially with Trump's deliberate abandonment of "nation building" . But it will allow him to pretend that he's willing for as long as he needs to, and it allows the military to, I guess, do what it wants to do, whether out of misplaced beliefs in national security or unsated bloodlust or the ongoing demands of the military-industrial complex or, after sixteen years, just out of habit. And none of the people we're bombing are on Twitter, so most people won't notice any difference.

"Tonight is a new President Trump: Acknowledging a flip-flop and talking about gravity of office, history & substance." - Phillip Rucker, white dude and also somehow the White House Bureau Chief for the Washington Post despite saying shit like this.

I'm writing this before I read any of the news about Trump's rally in Arizona, where, I presume, he not only pardoned Joe Arpaio but also made him duel Jeff Sessions to the death to decide who gets to be the new Attorney General. But the Trump who agrees to read a prepared speech in exchange for, literally or figuratively, getting to jerk off all over an American flag later, is not a new Trump. It's a Trump they roll out every once in a while when people like Rucker start to lose their faith in American democracy and start to admit that we've elected a madman to the Presidency.

So whichever advisor is in vogue this month bribes Trump into behaving for half an hour with a promise of a rally or some pee play or an extra scoop of ice cream or whatever trigger gets him to stay on script for just long enough to give the Phillip Ruckers of the world hope once again that the system works, and we have to listen to them that the speech someone else wrote that he unconvincingly recited represents a new version of the real man, not a flimsy, temporary facade that gets flung off the next time a reporter pisses him off. And it always works, because if there's one thing well-employed middle-aged white dudes cling to more than anything else, it's the belief that they're an integral part of a functioning, inherently good system. Which is why they're always mad at Occupy or Black Lives Matter.

"He looked at the sun without any glasses. Perhaps the most impressive thing any president has done.” - Tucker Carlson, proving Phillip Rucker wrong.

You know who didn't look straight at the sun during the eclipse without any glasses? Millions of complete fucking morons who managed to understand and believe this one thing they were told about science by the mainstream media. Sure, they couldn't actually extrapolate this or square it in any way with all the other things the mainstream media tells them about science and facts that they don't believe, but when push came to retinas, they sided with objective reality whether they realize it or not.

Trump's dumber than all those motherfuckers, and Tucker Carlson's attempt to spin it into superhuman myth-making is so transparently craven that the last shred of self-awareness in his body probably damaged three of Carlson's major organs clawing its way out of him and is currently hitchhiking across America, setting fire to every bow-tie it finds. And the worst part is? Those millions of morons? They're kicking themselves now for not looking at the sun like their Glorious Leader did. And that's why we can't have nice things.