Dispatches From Crazyville

« September 2016 »

Memo to Donald Trump, Donald Trump, and The Daily Show: YOU ARE DUMB.

Today's SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY is basically a series of dispatches from Crazyville. You are probably familiar with Crazytown, where most of us have lived since the Dubya campaign. Crazyville is several miles outside of Crazytown. It operates under the same basic broken logic of Crazytown, but with a degree of audacity not previously thought possible according to Crazytown social norms. That's where we live now.

So, this week, Donald Trump, who has frequenty implied that HIllary Clinton is ill, and whose supporters go on TV regularly with quack diagnoses based on blurry video freezeframes, went on the TV show of a known quack and charlatan, Mehmet Oz, to hand him the one page results of a physical by his own private gastroenterologist, Dr. Harold Bornstein, a doctor with more than a passing resemblance to a Nick Nolte mug shot. That was an actual thing that actually happened in an actual presidential campaign.

Oh, and apparently, Hillary Clinton has a credibility problem.

So Donald Trump was, for some inexplicable reason, asked to give a speech at a Flint, Michigan about the water crisis in Flint, Michigan, which is the first time in months we've been asked to care about the water crisis in Flint, Michigan even though we really haven't done anything about the water crisis in Flint, Michigan. During this speech, Trump had to be asked by pastor Faith Timmons to keep his remarks on Flint and not to make political attacks. This is on tape. This was recorded.

After acquiescing to the best of his ability, which means saying he was going to comply and then being wildly unable to, Trump went on Fox the next day, called the pastor a "nervous mess", and claimed that the "mostly African-American" crowds were shouting "let him speak". Those shouts do not appear on the recording I mentioned earlier. Oh, and apparently, Hillary Clinton has a credibility problem. You know, if Hillary Clinton is a liar, that makes one more thing she's more competent at than Trump. It took us three days and a fainting spell to find out she had pneumonia. That's pretty good.

Um, Daily Show? Are you doing some kind of weird Kaufmanesque thing? Because first, you spent a long time introducing a non-existent band, a joke that did not suddenly become funny because you did it several days in a row. And last night, you introduced something called the "Viral Rant", introduced with the idea that it wouldn't be jokes, just raw emotion. And look. I love a good rant. Lewis Black does good rant. Samantha Bee is raising rants to a new art form on Full Frontal. This rant was just weird.

It was like a 22-year-old poli-sci major rant from Facebook from nine months ago. Yes, idealistically speaking, Trump's anti-immigrant shit is anti-American. But America's ideals are about as "do as I say, not as I do" as you can get these days. And don't call your shit "viral". Viral is a thing that happens, not a thing you can declare. I spent the whole thing waiting for it to turn, to reveal that it was some kind of self-aware meta gag, but no. And yet Uproxx called it "the Trump takedown you've been waiting for". Um, Uproxx? This Trump takedown has been circling the block for a year, honking in your driveway, and throwing shit at your window waiting for you to notice it. I'm used to being more cynical than The Daily Show, but not like this.