The Once And Future Trump

« August 2016 »

Memo to Paul LePage, Donald Trump, and Chris Christie:

Donald Trump is not, as you might think, the craziest politician in America. That honor goes to our first IDIOT SAYING THE DAMNDEST THING this week, a man who appropriately enough claims that he was Donald Trump before Donald Trump was Donald Trump. That he thinks this is a compliment is just part and parcel of his insanity.

“When I was called a racist I just lost it, and there’s no excuse. I couldn't breathe I was so angry. I literally couldn't breathe." - Maine Governor Paul LePage, lying and also insane.

This, of course, is LePage's explanation for why he left a profane, ranting, borderline harassing and threatening voicemail for state legislator Drew Gattine, because Gattine called him a racist, because LePage said he keeps a binder of pictures of drug dealers on his desk and 90% of them are black and Hispanic. Which caused LePage to lose his shit, which is true, and there's no excuse, which is true, but the rest of that is bullshit.

First, obviously, it's very difficult to call someone a "socialist cocksucker" when you "literally" can't breathe. That's not how talking works. And if calling Paul LePage a racist made him lose his shit, he'd have zero shit left, because he's been called a racist for years, mostly on account of being really fucking racist for a lot of years. But here's the great thing about American politics. It has no HR department. LePage can indulge in the kind of behavior that would get any one of us fired, and all Maine can do is spend the next two years hoping he resigns. Probably ought to revisit that system.

"Crooked Hillary's brainpower is highly overrated.Probably why her decision making is so bad or, as stated by Bernie S, she has BAD JUDGEMENT” - Donald Trump, who should have his Twitter access revoked the day after Election Day.

Seriously, even given the constraints of Twitter, our country is actively considering electing a man whose grasp of the English language makes George W. Bush sound erudite. And seriously, enough with the "Crooked Hillary". I know it works on the rubes, but even Larry the Fucking Cable Guy knows to mete out the "Git Er Dun"s to maximize their effectiveness, and his audience is only a little bit smarter than yours. On average. I know there's a lot of overlap.

We'll find out pretty soon about relative brainpower when the first debate hits. Word on the street is that Hillary is consulting all kinds of psychologists and Trump experts in order to be ready and able to respond to whatever nuttiness Trump flings at her. Trump, by comparison, appears to be prepping for the debate by having lunches with his staff and just fucking winging it. That he thinks that will work out well for him is both completely fucking insane and completely in character for him. I think he's believing his own attacks against Clinton.

"I'll tell you this, this type of discourse in the campaign is just unwarranted. But it was started by Ms. Clinton. Ms. Clinton has started the idea of calling Donald Trump those types of names. And the fact is that, once you are the person - and Ms. Clinton is the person who injected this type of commentary into this race - once you inject that type of commentary into this race, you can't then sit back and start complaining about it." - Chris Christie, still fetching Donald Trump's metaphorical McDonald's.

OK, we need to talk about the general Beltway concern over the "tone of the campaign", because it's not just Christie who's lamenting it. So are the press. I've heard pundits talk about what a horrible shame it is that this campaign has descended into the candidates calling each other names, wah, wah, why can't we have a civilized debate about the issues like we did back in the day when Sarah Palin was running for vice president.

Here's the deal, fuckwits. When your opponent espouses racist policies, is openly endorsed by racists, and hires the racist head of a racist website to run his racist campaign, calling him a racist WOULD BE DISCUSSING THE ISSUES. And Hillary didn't even do that directly. She just explained how Trump espouses racist policies, is openly endorsed by racists, and hires the head of a racist website to run his racist campaign. I realize that you can't go to sleep at night unless you're curled around a body pillow embroidered with the phrase "BOTH SIDES DO IT", but come the fuck on. If Trump gets elected and ends up instituting death camps, the press will be like the fifth group rounded up and put in them, so maybe set aside the false equivalencies for a few fucking months.