Anatomy Of A Dipshit

« March 2016 »


Yesterday's Trump comments on abortion are very revealing, because they show exactly how bad at this Trump is. I don't actually think Trump stated a policy on abortion in the town hall with Mr. Potato Head, but I have no problem with everyone ignoring his later statement where his advisers told him what he should have said and treating him like a woman-hating monster, because he's a woman-hating monster. Just not a real one when it comes to abortion. Let's look at the transcript and watch what happened.

MATTHEWS: If you say abortion is a crime or abortion is murder, you have to deal with it under the law. Should abortion be punished?

TRUMP: Well people in certain parts of the Republican party and conservatives Republicans would say, yes they should be punished.

This bit sets the stage for what's to come. Donald Trump doesn't give a shit about abortion. He knows Republicans are anti-abortion, and he's a Republican, so he's anti-abortion. So he tries to pawn it off on other Republicans.

MATTHEWS: How about you?

TRUMP: I would say that it’s a very serious problem and it’s a problem that we have to decide on. It’s very hard—

Trump knows he's out of his comfort zone here, so he tries to get away with being non-committal and vague, and to Matthews' incredibly rare credit, he doesn't take the non-committal answer and move on.

MATTHEWS: No I’m asking you because you say you want to ban it. What does that mean?

TRUMP: I am against. I am pro-life. Yes. I am pro-life.//p>

And here, Trump starts to get caught in a loop. He wants to ban abortion because he's pro-life, and he's pro-life because he wants to ban abortion. If it had been James Kirk questioning him and not a potato with a Tip O'Neill obsession, Trump would literally start to smoke and self-destruct, instead of the figurative meltdown that's coming up.

MATTHEWS: How do you ban abortion? How do you actually do it?

TRUMP: You know you’ll go back to a position like where they had where people perhaps will go to illegal places. But you have to ban it. I’m against—

This is my favorite part of the whole thing, because what's happening here is that Trump is searching his brain for any bit of information he might have on banning abortions, and what he hits on, and immediately says, is the pro-choice argument that if you ban abortion, women will get unsafe, illegal abortions anyway. It's a thing he heard, it's about abortion, so he said it, because he's dumb and desperate and has no idea what his argument even is, so he doesn't know what might undercut it.

I'll omit the chunk where Trump buys himself some time by questioning Matthews' Catholicism, because it's just a simple misdirection. I will point out that Matthews somehow fuckbotches simply saying that he agrees with church doctrine as an individual choice but doesn't think that doctrine should be the basis for American law. It's not that difficult, spudboy. You must have had to reconcile these things before. Anyway, we pick up a couple minutes later, once that bit is wrapping up.

MATTHEWS: The churches make their moral judgments, but you’re running for President of the United States to become Chief Executive of the United States. Do you believe in punishment for abortion, yes or no, as a principle?

TRUMP: The answer is there has to be some form of punishment. MATTHEWS: For the woman? TRUMP: Yes. MATTHEWS: 10 cents, 10 years, what? TRUMP: I don’t know. That I don’t know.

And here's where Trump makes the mistake. He's dumb. He doesn't understand this stuff. He has no context of the pro-life movement because he's only pretending to be part of it. This, by the way, is not a compliment for Trump. Pretending to be pro-life is arguably worse than being pro-life, because you're willing to ruin women's lives for personal gain rather than a totally misguided moral prinicple.

But what Trump doesn't know is that, in an attempt to seem like they don't hate women, the pro-life movement takes great care to pretend that they have pregnant women's best interests at heart, and thus publicly eschew charging and punishing women for having an abortion. They focus instead on the provider, because they've spent a lot of time demonizing them.

So, Trump just followed his brain. "I'm pretending I want it to be illegal. What happens to people who do illegal things? Punishment. I'm a tough guy, I believe in punishment for illegal stuff, so, OK, punish women for doing this thing I've hypothetically made illegal. Makes sense. MOUTH, YOU'RE UP!". Oops. And now he's suffering for it. Good. It may not be accurate, but it's fair.