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« April 2015 »

Memo to Joe Arpaio, Comcast, and Adam Sandler: YOUARE DUMB.

Netflix gets two shoutouts in today's SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY, and I want you to know it's not a promotional deal. It's just a coincidence. Rest assured that You Are Dumb Dot Net is not in the pocket of Big Streaming. Let's get into it.

It's long overdue, and there's still some question of how things will resolve, but the implosion and self-destruction of Joe Arpaio is the most delightful thing in the news right now. If you haven't been following the news (I know I hadn't until a day or two ago), Arpaio had been given a court order to basically stop being a dick, and he kept being a dick, so he's on trial for contempt of court.

And not only is his trial defense hilariously weaksauce, and nothing like the full-throated, defiant defense of police racism you might expect from Arpaio, he also just admitted hiring a private investigator to investigate the wife of the judge CURRENTLY TRYING HIM. Which is some Netflix Daredevil-level chicanery. Arpaio's a solid fourth place in my top five list of people I want to see go down in flames, so this story makes me wish I liked popcorn.

Holy shit, Comcast isn't merging with Time-Warner. Now, as anti-trust actions go, this is less than ideal. Turns out it's not a case of the government saying "Fuck no, that's an awful idea." You can't make one good cable company by mashing together two horrible cable companies and then firing 10% of the workforce or whatever the usual layoffs are after a big merger when they promise they won't lay anyone off.

Instead, it looks like Comcast got fed up and walked away after being jerked around by the FCC for fourteen months without any real resolution. Actually, now that I think of it, as a frequent victim of Comcast customer service, I'm not sure I can think of a more apropos fate for the company. Maybe the FCC can offer Comcast a few free On Demand movies to make them feel better.

The story of Native American actors and extras walking off the set of Adam Sandler's Netflix original movie "The Ridiculous Six" makes me incredibly sad and resentful. Mostly because I'm now aware of Adam Sandler's Netflix original movie "The Ridiculous Six".

News reports say the actors were offended by racist jokes at the expense of Native Americans. They also helpfully mention that the movie is a parody of "The Magnificent Seven", because apparently they believe I was lobotomized while spending the last three decades in a coma.

Obviously, I don't approve of shitty, racist comedy, or a defense of said shitty comedy by claiming it's commentary on the stereotypes in the original genre when clearly Adam Sandler just thinks peeing Native women are funny. But beyond that, the rest of the Ridiculous Six are played by Steve Buscemi, who clearly owes someone a favor or a lot of money; Nick Nolte, obviously; Dan Aykroyd and Jon Lovitz, who have somehow ended in the same crazy unfunny old man place despite coming from completely different eras of SNL; and Vanilla Ice, who was only there to steal props. Actual movie props, not rap props. Mr. Van Winkle couldn't even steal rap props.

That's a cast whose salaries are budgeted as "Craft Services". What I'm saying is, all Americans, Native or otherwise, should be offended by this movie and walk away from it.