« April 2015 »

Memo to Marco Rubio, Marco Rubio, and Marco Rubio: YOUR TURN!

It's looking like we're going to get one Republican announcing their presidential plans each week until, I guess, we have like, fifty of them running? Anyway, on Monday, it was Marco "Dry-Mouth" Rubio's turn, and in an even more controlled environment than his State of the Union response, he proved that IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"Now, the time has come for our generation to lead the way toward a new American Century.” - Marco Rubio, dumb, trolling, or both.

Was this a name-drop? The world's clumsiest dog-whistle? A deliberate attempt to provoke a reaction? I don't know, and I don't really care. If Marco Rubio wants to tie himself to, say, some kind of project? A project working towards a period of America around a hundred years or so that isn't old? Well, consider my reaction provoked.

The Project for a New American Century, or PNAC, was, of course, the prominent neocon think tank. Which is bad enough. It was founded by Dick Cheney. Which is worse. And of course, they had a brilliant idea to use American military force to reshape the Middle East, got into power, reshaped the Middle East like someone trying to work Play-Doh with a sledgehammer mounted to a remote control car being operated via the instructions from the world's most clueless optimist, and so everything got fucked up. Wanting to associate yourself with that is, well, very Republican.

"They are busy looking backward, so they do not see how jobs and prosperity today depend on our ability to compete in a global economy. So our leaders put us at a disadvantage by taxing, borrowing and regulating like it’s 1999." - Marco Rubio, lying to you about why you're having a tough time of it economically.

The most money in election history is going to be spent building the world's largest mountain of bullshit before the 2016 election.. And a significant fraction of that bullshit mountain is going to be made up of Republicans claiming that only their policies can restore prosperity for America's working poor and the middle class, because they care about America's working poor and the middle class.

The only thing more offensive than that blatant lie is Marco Rubio dropping a reference to Prince. Old Prince. Very Old Prince. Marco Rubio, I'll remind you, is the young one. The hip one. The diversity. This is what it sounds like, when Repubs try.

"At the turn of the 19th century, a generation of Americans harnessed the power of the Industrial Age and transformed this country into the leading economy in the world. And the 20th century became the American Century." - Marco Rubio, looking forward.

I try not to get too hung up on logical consistency from the people I write about, because not only do they not recognize it, they are frequently rewarded for ignoring it, in a move that would make any behavioral scientist worth his salt sell all their bells and Skinner boxes and go to work for Chipotle. But come the fuck on.

This anecdote LITERALLY came in the middle of a sequence in which Marco Rubio chastised unnamed Democrats for failing to solve America's problems because they're focusing on the past, not the future. Last time I checked, it didn't get much more past than "the turn of the 19th century". I mean, obviously it gets much more past than that, the universe is billions of years old, or, depending on which Republican candidate you listen to, maybe 6,000. But you know what I mean. Fuck Marco Rubio and his new American century is what I mean.