Mehlection Wrapup

« November 2014 »

Memo to America: WELL.

Thank you, cynical nihilism. If a big part of me didn't believe that ultimately, none of this matters and the system is generally rigged to provide a set of fairly cyclical, predictable results to make sure that the people with the money continue to be the people with the money, Tuesday's election results might have upset me.

I mean, some really awful people kept their jobs - Gohmert, Walker, Scott, etcetera. And some awful people got new jobs, most notably Jodi Ernst and Minnesota's own Tom Emmer. It remains to be seen whether or not a Republican Senate will actually change the political landscape much for the next two years, or if we can just search-and-replace "filibuster" with "veto" for two years. I know where I'd put my money.

Still, there were a few results last night that I think are notable enough to talk about. They're all equal parts awful and ridiculous, and therefore live in my sweet spot.

Tennessee, the dumbest state in the Union, reaffirmed its position by leapfrogging the rest of the South to become the most womb-hostile state in the nation as well. The state actually amended its constitution to supposedly allow a whole slew of abortion restrictions that had, thanks to state Supreme Court rulings, been deemed unconstitutional.

Forced birth and state's rights? You don't get much more Tennessee than that. And this is important, because if Tennessee has their way, there will be MORE PEOPLE FROM TENNESSEE. And nobody wants that.

Meanwhile, in another law without immediate effects that mostly proves that the voters in that state are dumbfucks, Alabama's constitution now explicitly bans "foreign laws", which most people know is code for "Sharia", which most people know is code for "brown".

While the change will probably not do anything, I do anxiously await court challenges against, say, some kind of Catholic-based effort in Alabama, since the Vatican is a foreign country. It's far-fetched, but so is the impending Sharia takeover of America, so what the hell.

And finally, Louisiana, where Vance McAllister lost his re-election bid. Now, McAllister was a Republican, and him losing his seat is in fact a cause for minor celebration, but it's why McAllister lost his job that's noteworthy. You may remember McAllister as the "Kissing Congressman", the man who forgot that stairwells had security cameras when he made out with one of his non-wife campaign workers.

Think about that for a second. David Vitter, diapers and hookers? Electable. Michael Grimm, 20-count indictment, threatened to throw a reporter off a balcony? Electable. Scott Walker and Rick Scott, a pair of scandal-plagued and/or fan-fearing governors? Totally electable. But kiss one woman in a stairwell and that will get you thrown out of office? The electorate is fickle and weird, at least to the extent that their voice is allowed to be heard.