Late To The Stone Vagina Party

« June 2014 »

Memo to Chris McDaniel and German Vagina Guy: I ALSO THINK YOU ARE DUMB.

Sometimes, Friday rolls around, and some really primo representations of The Dumb have been dealt with throughout the media, because they're just too good to ignore. I don't want you to think I didn't think they were too good to ignore, so let's see if we can find some bits of horse flesh that haven't been converted to equine paste in today's SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

The best thing about the Mississippi Republican primary runoff election on Tuesday is not that Chris McDaniel lost. I mean, part of me is glad he lost, because in Mississippi, he might win in the general. And if McDaniel isn't a white supremacist, he's definitely white-supremacist-adjacent.

No, the best part is what happens when a white-supremacist-adjacent teabagger not only loses, but strongly suspects black people caused his loss. He gets really mad. He refuses to concede. He cries shenanigans, with an almost perceptible emphasis on letters six through eight. The man who technically has not been shown to be involved in a right-wing blogger sneaking into a nursing home to take pictures of his opponents' wife. The man whose campaign operatives got locked in the courthouse at night when the original ballots were being counted for totally innocent reasons. He now has to keep it together for weeks without slipping into a racist tirade. Even if he pulls it off, the palpable strain is hilarious.

So, in case you were wondering how many German firefighters it takes to pull an American out of a giant stone vagina, the answer is 22.

And as much as I appreciate the exchange student who got trapped for allowing me to write one of my favorite new sentences ever, and as much as I understand the impetus, upon seeing a giant stone vagina, to wonder whether or not you could get up in that, now you know why we put Canadian flags on our backpacks when we go over there.

Because nothing really encapsulates modern day America than encountering something that, based on pictures, is 80% sculpture and 20% pussy, and focusing entirely on the 20% that's pussy. #yesallAmericans.