Lazy Twitter Week II, Day 2

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Memo to the hundred and forty first character: YOU ARE DUMB.

We're into one of these content lulls again, where the things that are happening are such retreads of the kinds of thing that are always happening that I can't find any hook in them to even pretend I'm saying new things. So, since it's been a full nine months since I pulled this, so we're going to do the second ever Lazy Twitter Week. The way this works is, each day, I spend the day cranking out tweets based on the news of the day and then the next day I compile them here for those of you who don't read the Twitter account. It's social media integration at its finest!

E3 is in full swing, giving you the latest news on exciting things you won’t see for years and boring things just around the corner.

I like watching game company reps on stage. It’s like a non-stop audition to play Justin Hammer in a dinner theater Iron Man 2 production.

The dream of news tailored to your interests is still far off. I just saw a headline about social media integration in World Cup soccer.

Remember, no matter how shitty your job is, at least you didn’t have to write a story about social media integration in World Cup soccer.

Phil Puckett failed Prostitution 101. Get paid BEFORE you do the deed. Otherwise you’re just getting fucked.

The California teacher’s union case reads to me like the legal version of that guy changing his name to Cesar Chavez.

It’s certainly possible that tenure rules are excessive, but hiding your attack on them behind “poor and minority students” makes me wary.

Mpls/St. Paul Archbishop Robert Carlson testified that he wasn’t always aware that fucking children was against the law. NOT COMEDY.

As defenses for not going to the police go, “I didn’t know it was illegal” is not great. You know who’d know if it was? The police.

Tennessee now has at least one confirmed psycho cannibal, because I guess the list of reasons not to go there wasn’t long enough.

Don’t feel bad, Boehner. I’m sure Obama wanted have you in the loop for the Bergdahl swap. Not his fault the Taliban didn’t want you.

Ted Cruz has renounced his Canadian citizenship, so congratulations, Canada, on your new national holiday!

Eric Cantor just lost his primary and therefore his job. No, silly, it wasn’t to someone more sane. That’s not how primaries work.