From My Fetal, Racist Hands!

« June 2014 »

Memo to the NRA, Maureen Dowd, and the Washington Redskins: YOU ARE DUMB.

Unintended consequences! Sometimes people, um, experience them? Like when they start an intro thinking they can stretch a theme around three fairly unconnected items making up SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY and end up with a rambling, self-referential cop-out of an intro instead. Unintended consequences!

Everyone, with the possible exception of the Open Carry nujobs, understands that the Open Carry nutjobs are hurting the cause of gun right by, depending on who you ask, either provoking negative public reaction by bringing their AR-15's into chain restaurants, or accurately demonstrating what the gun nuts' vision of America would look like once they get the rest of their way. The point is, it's making the gun nuts at the NRA look bad.

Which is why, when the NRA posted an article calling the events "downright weird", people weren't super-surprised. It's like when the Republicans denouce Klansmen. They don't necessarily disagree, but it makes them look better to do it.

But when the Open Carry movement heard about it, they whined and cried like the clearly insecure babies they are, and threatened to hold their support until they turned blue if the NRA didn't TAKE IT BACK TAKE IT BACK RIGHT NOW. And since the Open Carry guys have a lot of guns, the NRA capitulated. The system works! An armed society is a polite society! I mean, obviously, I would have preferred they settle their differences in a hail of hot lead like real men, but it's an imperfect world.

A lot of people are giving Maureen Dowd a lot of shit for going to Colorado, trying pot for the "first" time by eating an entire pot candy bar instead of the recommended dosage of an eighth or a sixteenth of a candy bar, not enjoying it as a result, and then writing about it and deciding legal pot is very, very dangerous.

But we need to look on the bright side. For nearly eight hours, Maureen Dowd was curled up in a fetal position in a hotel room, paranoid that the cops were going to arrest her for, as she puts it, "not being able to handle her candy". Which means Maureen Dowd now knows what it feels like to be terrified of the consequences of her own ignorance. Which is a sensation most pundits and columnists never experience. Sure, she'll probably chalk it up to The Demon Weed and disregard it in the future, but baby steps here, people.

And speaking of a pleasant experience turning into a bad trip because you don't understand the substance you're dealing with, the Washington Filthy Savages football franchise decided to drum up support for their team and its racist name by turning to the one reliable source for honest, sincere support left in this cold and cynical world: Twitter.

I don't know what they thought would happen when they asked people to tweet at Harry Reid with the hashtag #RedskinsPride, but then, I don't know what they're thinking by keeping the name in the first place, other than "we've got shitpiles of money invested in our racist branding and its merchandise and we will try any stupid fucking stunt to avoid losing that cash". Huh. I guess I do know what they thought, or at least hoped, would happen when they asked that. Never mind.