Schoolhouse Wrecks

« September 2013 »

Memo to the Internet's brave pronoun warriors: YOU ARE DUMB.

One of my favorite, and simultaneously one of the most inexplicable, brands of morons that haunt the bottom half of the Internet are the Pronoun Warriors. How do you coax a Pronoun Warrior from under their slime-bottomed rocks?

Simple. Write a story about a transgendered person doing something. Anything. Doesn't matter what. All that matters is that the subject of the story is transgender, the story is about them doing something, and the website allows comments.

And lo, they will come, and you will know them by the mark of their beastliness: a capital H and E if the story is about a woman, and a capital S, H, and E if it's about a man.

Pronoun Warriors have an investment in insisting that transgendered people be referred to by their genetic-gender pronoun that beggars belief or explanation. They shout "HE!" and "HIM!" like they're the ones with a personal stake in each person's gender identity. It is tragically hilarious to watch.

Everybody else pretty much fucking gets it. Yeah, there were some issues around Chelsea Manning with news organizations not following their own pronoun and naming guidelines, but that's less a case of insensitivity and more a case of "everyone knew her as Bradley for the past few years", and anyway, they fixed it once it was pointed out to them.

The transgender community has a vested interest in pronouns because it's about who they are. Pronoun Warriors have no such stake, so they have to pretend they do. Much like the wingnuts who took to their keyboards during the Bush era wars rooting out subversive elements like Dan Rather.

They think they're fighting for a cause. That cause? Maintaining their misguided version of gender roles, wrapping up everything from garden variety homosexuality to gender dysphoria to actual kinks into a simple credo: If you're born with a penis, you must live your life the way they think someone with a penis should. Similarly, vaginas. And if, for whatever reason, you don't do that, they will be along shortly, yelling their pronouns at you, because otherwise they'd have to let you live a happy life, and that cannot be tolerated.