Cynics Rejoice!

« September 2013 »

Memo to my cynicism: TAKE TODAY OFF.

I don't even know what the fuck to say here. This weekend proved me temporarily wrong on one issue, and permanently wrong on another, and I couldn't be happier.

Because, as I put more concisely in a tweet on Saturday, I'm a cynic. And because I'm a cynic, I get to be right a lot, because, well, your odds are just better if you bet on people being shitty. But it gets better. Because when an optimist is wrong, they're disappointed. When a cynic is wrong, we get to be pleasantly surprised.

And for the time being, I'm pleasantly surprised by Syria. A fairly reasonable nine-month timetable, an international agreement, and for now, nobody's getting freedombombed. Freedombombing deferred is freedombombing denied, as they say.

Oh, sure the usual suspects are mad that they're going to have to find some other way to get their civilian-casualty boners. John McCain and Lindsay Graham think we've just emboldened Iran by showing that we're not completely fucking unreasonable. Of course, since we weren't going to be kicking Assad out anyway, and just making sure the world knew our dick could still knock their buildings over, I don't know why that sends a message of emboldenment to Iran, but for these people, anything that makes them sad emboldens Iran, so fuck them.

And then, just when I was filling my quota of good news for the entire year, Larry Summers withdrew from the running for Federal Reserve chairman.. If you're not familiar with Larry Summers, he's one of the guys who was wrong about everything surrounding the most recent economic meltdown and was, as a result, a respected economic advisor and was a leading candidate to run the nation's central bank.

In his official statement, Summers basically admitted that everyone would point out how wrongity wrong wrong he was during the confirmation hearings, and that would be bad, so best not to go through with it.

Seriously, do you see how big this is? A fuckup got denied a promotion because people actually made a lot of noise about him being a fuckup, even though he's a friend of the Moderate Republican President and a respected Washington guy. Now he's just going to have to go make a shit-ton of money in the private sector, where his ability to be a "team player" in the old boy's network is still more valuable than knowing what the fuck you're doing.

Now, there's no guarantee that Summers dropping out will mean the nod will go to Janet Yellen, who by all accounts knows her shit and was right about both the 90s tech bubble and the most recent housing bubble. But that's cynicism for another day. We won't destroy chunks of Syria, and Larry Summers won't destroy any more chunks of the economy, at least not as a government employee.

It's a good day to be a cynic.