Playing The Game

« September 2013 »

Memo to Jeremy Hutchinson, Steve King, and Rand Paul: YOU ARE SOMEHOW NOT DUMB ENOUGH FOR ME TO WIN.

Game, set, match. Quod erat demonstrandum. Technical knockout. Flawless Victory... Fatality. Redefining the material properties of the participants as elastic and adhesive, respectively. There are a lot of ways to declare ultimate victory. So why don't any of them work in politics? There are moments that should end debate, but they never do, because the system exists to perpetuate debate at all costs. We'll explore that theme for a bit on SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

Should teachers carry guns? On the face of it, it seems like an awful idea. But proponents insist that teachers will be trained to carry guns safely and responsibly, and that a good teacher with a gun is the only way to stop a school shooter and save innocent lives. I don't agree with that point, but it's a reasonable one to make by the standards of today's political environment, where gun rights advocates are currently fighting to arm the blind.

So let's say that a state-level politician in favor of arming teachers attends one of those vaunted training sessions designed to have responsible, armed teachers. And let's say that, in the heat of the moment, armed with rubber bullets, that state senator, Jeremy Hutchinson of Arkansas, shoots not the "gunman" in the exercise, but the teacher. Flawless victory. Fatality. Or, instead, ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"The experience gave Hutchinson 'some pause' but failed to shake his confidence in the plan."

DUDE FAKE-SHOT A TEACHER. And was unconvinced that his plan sucked. There is no winning in politics because there is no losing.

Our old friend, Steve King, America's Second-Stupidest Congresscritter, on global warming:

"It is not proven, it's not science. It's more of a religion than a science."

Steve King thinks the government shouldn't do anything about global warming because it's a religion. Steve King, ergo, thinks the government should not be in the business of promoting or enforcing the tenets of a religion. Steve King's views would come as quite a surprise to Steve King, who also thinks the government shouldn't stop animal suffering because the Bible says we get to do whatever we want to animals.

King went on to say that nobody would really notice if the seas rose six inches, and the journalists kept on listening to him say it and write it down, because if nothing's discredited Steve King by now, why would this latest logical contradiction and ignorance of flooding do it? It wouldn't. And it never will.

Ladies and gentlemen, glibertarian Lasik-jockey and inexplicable senator Rand Paul:

"I don't think there is any particular evidence of polls barring African-Americans from voting."

That's not a thing you get to think. You either know it, or you don't know it. The evidence is either there, or it isn't, and for the record, not that this will surprise anyone, but it's there.

Rand Paul shouldn't get to think the evidence isn't there. He should be forced to dismiss the evidence, or disbelieve the evidence, or admit he doesn't give a shit about the evidence because he's not black. But he gets to deny the evidence exists, because that sounds better enough to keep him in the game. And nobody is ever permitted to get kicked out of the game, because then someone might win the game.