Beginner's Game

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Memo to Orson Scott Card: WRAPPING CRAZY IN PAPER WITH "SANE" PRINTED ON IT FOOLS NOBODY.

Ah, Orson Scott Card. Science fiction author. Mormon. Rabid homophobe. And, apparently, paranoid anti-Obama teabagger.

I mean, we all knew he was a conservative, but we were happy to sit back and think he was a socially conservative religious nut, because in order to learn more, we'd have to pay more attention to Orson Scott Card, and that's been a bad idea since the first Ender's Game sequel.

But I keep an eye out for things. It is my gift, and my curse. And one of the things my eye discovered was a column, originally published in a North (where else, these days?) Carolina newspaper. When I read it, it was under the heading "Civilization Watch". Now, I've actually been seeing and tracking an uptick in the use of "civilization" to mean "race" lately, at least openly. I know it's been National Review and World Net Daily code forever, but here's another classic use.

I mean, we're getting to the point where someone who uses "civilization" excessively is as much a racist as someone who uses "family" excessively is a homophobe. Sorry, Sid Meier.

Anyway, back to Card. Now, he tries. He really does. He spends the first 20 paragraphs, plus the last 14, telling us what's in the middle is just a fanciful unlikely prediction, wink wink, nudge nudge, don't believe me (BELIEVE ME). One of those paragraphs says that people believe the "historical lie" that Dubya lied about Iraqi WMDs, and one of them takes credit by trying not to take credit for predicting the fall of Communism, so we're already off to a fucking roaring start.

Next comes the usual wingnut litany of Obama crimes. He's a dictator! He's nice to Muslims who want to kill us and Israel! Benghazi! Neville Chamberlain! Unconstitutional! Czars! No budget! Twelve paragraphs of that. Which already pushes us into 46 paragraphs without even getting into the juicy bits.

The juicy bits are an elaborate fantasy in which Obama gets his wife to run for president after him to establish his ongoing dictatorial dynasty (helped by Obama setting up Hillary Clinton to take the fall on Benghazi, mind you), create a national police force to beat and murder his enemies, and deny government health care (the only health care) to his enemies his police force can't beat up.

I'm not exaggerating. I'm downplaying. I'm actually leaving out the worst of the crazy and all the racism. Because, in honor of Orson Scott Card, I'm setting things up for a disappointing sequel tomorrow, chock full of ACTUAL QUOTES. But I figured you'd need time to prepare yourselves.