You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
The Marianas Trench Of Moral High Grounds
Memo to Tennessee police, Pete Domenici, and Progress Kentucky: YOU ARE DUMB.
The great cleansing continues! Eight more weeks of Google Reader, about 40 items in the Reader pile. That should work out just fine. Then we can all move into the post-Reader world knowing that no dumbass got left behind due to technological limitations or the wayward, inexplicable decisions of the world's biggest name in the Internet. SPASTIC TOPIC READERGEDDON FRIDAY!
In case you haven't been keeping track of our modern, authoritarian, militarized, borderline police state, let's take a look back at my favorite place in the world, Tennessee, where police found an exciting new definition of "probable cause" back in February - a marijuana sticker on the car of a middle-aged couple.
The cops pulled them over in a black SUV, checked the car, and advised them to remove the sticker entirely. This, by the way, was after they were told by the couple that it wasn't a marijuana leaf, it was an Ohio State alumni buckeye leaf. Now, in the officers' defense, telling leaves apart is botany, and botany is science, and they're from Tennessee. But even then, being stopped and searched by the authorities for no good reason whatsoever has been the new normal for far too long.
In the "in case you missed it for your old, dusty scrapbook of anti-gay Republicans who condemned and tried to impeach Bill Clinton for his extra-marital affair, only to be caught out as philanderers in their own right" scrapbook, find a flattering picture of former New Mexico senator Pete Domenici!
In February, events forced him to reveal that 30 years ago, he had an affair, knocked the girlfriend up, and made a Schwarzenegger-style secret baby. Oops.
Domenici, of course, asked for privacy. New Mexico Republicans, of course, leapt to his defense, claiming he was human and made a human mistake with his human penis. Which is fine, except he knew all this when he was condemning gay people and wagging his finger at Bill Clinton just because Clinton was smart enough to leave it on the dress instead of in the mistress. They're all assholes, and always have been.
And finally, I would be remiss if I didn't throw a couple of dirty glares in the general direction of Progress Kentucky, who are startlingly bad at fighting dirty.
Don't get me wrong. I'm all in favor of fighting dirty in politics. But you have to be good at it. You have to make sure your tactics don't backfire. And that's where Progress Kentucky puts the emphasis on "Kentucky" at the expense of the "Progress".
They're trying to take down Mitch McConnell, which is a worthy goal. You may recall McConnell getting caught on secret tape planning vicious opposition strategy against Ashley Judd. McConnell didn't get hurt by this, because first, Progress Kentucky was sloppy and allowed the focus to turn to where the recording came from instead of what it said.
But most importantly, they allowed their credibility to be damaged by a stupid, stupid, racist and China-baiting tweet:
"This woman has the ear of @mcconnellpress — she’s his #wife.May explain why your job moved to #China!" McConnell's wife, Elaine Chao, was born in Taiwan.
Thanks, hicks. Make that fucking half-turtle, half-asshole look sympathetic for the first time in his life because you can't keep your stupid fucking yellow panic under control. Can't fight evil with incompetence, as the Democratic Party has proven time and time again.