You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
More Fun With Empty Chair Obama
Memo to John Boehner, Lou Dobbs, and Harry Reid: I WANT REPUBLICAN OBAMA, NOT REPUBLICAN OBAMA.
I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I wish I could have voted for the Republican caricature of Obama. The one who's wildly increasing federal payrolls, spending during a recession, reducing America's power in the world, oppressing the religious, confiscating guns, and socializing medicine.
Instead of Republican Obama, however, I have to live with Republican Obama - the self-described "moderate Republican" who's willing to cut Social Security and has to be pressed under what circumstances he can't assassinate Americans on American soil. For some more classic examples of the first kind of Republican Obama, enjoy today's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
""Given what we heard yesterday about the president's vision for his second term, it's pretty clear to me -- should be clear to all of you -- that he knows he can't do any of that as long as the House is controlled by Republicans. So we're expecting over the next 22 months to be the focus of this administration as they attempt to annihilate the Republican Party." - House Speaker John Boehner, not going anywhere anytime soon.
If by "annihilate", you mean "have nice lunches with", then yes, that's Obama's second-term mission, to annihilate the Republican Party by listening to them whine over... actually, I have no idea what they eat at these lunches. I can only assume, the way these things go, that the Republicans show up expecting vegan quinoa salad, demand raw, freshly killed baby panda to piss off the liberals, and Obama "compromises" by sprinkling some quinoa over the panda corpse.
Boehner should know all too well that the Republicans have punched themselves into a bloody mess - he threw a lot of those friendly-fire punches himself, after all. If Obama were really trying to annihilate you, he'd probably succeed, because your own stupidity has set you up for it. But he's not, more's the pity. I know everyone says we need an opposition party for democracy to work, but why can't that opposition party be the modern, shitty Democrats?
"You've got to wonder why the president doesn't double down in his assault on the Constitution, taking on not only the Second, but the First Amendment, the Fourth, the Fourteenth... Without our rights under the Second Amendment, removing the rest of our Bill of Rights would be a lot easier." - Lou Dobbs, exercising at least one and a half of the rights he thinks Obama wants to take away.
I'm pretty sure if any president's gonna go after the 14th Amendment, it's not going to be Obama. For obvious reasons. But the Second's not doing us much good, the First keeps Lou Dobbs out of prison for being a shithead, the Fourth's been shredded by Bush and decades of authoritarian policing... there's a part of me that weighs the overall good of the Bill of Rights against the visceral pleasure I'd take in watching the Dobbsian minions scream bloody murder and would welcome our new Obamanian overlords. But just a part of me.
"It's nobody's fault. The president can't do things unilaterally. He has to deal with Congress, and dealing with Congress made it legislatively impossible to do. What he wanted to do was to close Gitmo." - Harry Reid, wildly redefining "nobody".
OK, OK, technically, Reid isn't a Republican. But I'd take the "terrorist-coddling" Republican version of Obama over Reid's unprincipled, shoulder-shrugging, "oh well, habeas corpus be damned, couldn't get anything through Congress because Joe Lieberman's one of the members of our 2009 congressional supermajority", shoulder-shrugging, nobody-blaming milquetoast.
I would like to point out that it was Harry Reid's Democratic Senate that has now blown three separate chances for filibuster reform that made it legislatively impossible, so it's no fucking wonder he thinks "nobody" is to blame. Oh well! It's only an extralegal prison full of a mix of guilty and innocent brown people! No big deal.