Meet The New Flunky

« February 2013 »

Memo to Fox News and Erick Erickson: TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH.

Recently, the Fox News punditocracy underwent a bit of a shakeup designed, ostensibly, to give the impression that Fox had learned from its epic election prediction fail. First, they got rid of Dick Morris, the former Clinton-era consultant turned wingnut grifter turned world's worst weathervane. I mean, if Dick Morris told you the sky was blue, don't step outside to check, because odds are you're on the moon and would die of asphyxiation. That's how consistently and very wrong Dick Morris is.

And they stopped paying Sarah Palin to come into the office once every three months and say something Sarah Paliny, presumably because they found it more economically feasible to develop a special Sarah Palin simulator that runs on a disused Atari 2600 and is slightly more profound, to boot.

Much like the Republican Party, on account of, well, being the Republican Party, Fox is trying to rebrand itself as less stupid and less hateful. And much like the Republican Party, they're finding it difficult because the pool of available talent is largely stupid and hateful.

And so they've snapped up Red State's Erick Erickson, frequent involuntary contributor to this space, from CNN. Nobody knows why Erickson was at CNN in the first place, other than the obvious - that despite inventing the form, CNN doesn't have a fucking clue how to run a cable news network.

Erick Erickson does one thing. He's always done one thing. That one thing is to spout the dumbest, vilest wingnut bullshit and then crow about how he must be doing something right because people got upset with his dumb, vile wingnut bullshit. He is the poster boy for the spiteful adoption of any position, as long as he's convinced that position will cause angst in the imaginary leftist hippie army he's invented in his head. Take this, for example.

"I think we should give the employee a medal, not send her to jail." - Erickson, commenting on a story where a dollar store employee in Atlanta took off her belt and hit an eight year old child with it 25 times because the kid threw a cookie at her.

Nobody actually supports the idea of retail employees dishing out belt-whippings to unruly eight year olds. Erick Erickson certainly doesn't, because he knows as well as I do that it would put his inner child in grave danger, and since his inner eight year old is his dominant personality, the whole thing would just go badly for him.

But belt whipping is like spanking, and spanking is a form of corporal punishment, and stopping teachers from dishing out corporal punishment and encouraging parents to stop using corporal punishment came from liberals, and so corporal punishment is a good thing, and so the dollar store employee is a hero. It's a very simple equation as befits a very simple mind. And as a very simple mind, Erickson is a perfect fit at the not-changed-at-all Fox News.

Who, on a related note, just hired Herman Cain to say stupid shit on the air as well, because clearly there's no reason not to.