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You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Triple Cooch Wednesday
Memo to Ken Cuccinelli, Ken Cuccinelli, and Ken Cuccinelli YOU ARE DUMB.
When the media makes lists of "up and coming Republican politicians" that the GOP may turn to in the hopes of getting back into America's good graces, Ken Cuccinelli is frequently on those lists.
The Cooch has heard the call, and has arranged things so that he'll be running for governor of Virginia next year. Let's hope this rising star implodes, because Cuccinelli is an IDIOT WHO SAYS THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
"Your tone suggests you’re a little upset with me. You’re preaching to the choir. I’m with you completely." - Virginia attorney general Ken Cuccinelli, agreeing with right-wing radio host Cheri Jacobus, who said there was something nefarious about Obama losing states with Voter ID and winning states without it.
That is fucking nuts. I mean, there's nothing suspicious about it, and the nefarious thing about it isn't what they're implying. A half-dozen GOP operatives and politicians have admitted that Voter ID is designed to elect Republicans by suppressing Democratic voting. The "suspicious" result is exactly what you'd expect.
Plus, there's a second-level effect - since Voter ID is a Republican ploy, it's only going to pass in states that lean Republican, and those states will then not vote for Obama anyway. If a state's top law enforcement official doesn't realize that, he's an idiot, and if he's pretending not to realize it, he's a dangerous nutjob. Either way, the perfect recipe for a GOP "rising star".
"My local bishop said, 'Well, you know I told a group I’m ready to go to jail.' And I said, 'Bishop, don't take this personally: You need to go to jail.'" - Cuccinelli, coming oh so close to being right about opponents to Obama's contraception mandate.
Unfortunately, Cuccinelli was referring to civil disobedience, in which religious organizations objecting to paying health insurance premiums for their employees because the insurance company would have to use other people's money to give those employees birth control with zero co-pays would somehow refuse to cooperate, go to prison as a result, and use the ensuing public sympathy to get the law changed.
Which is fucking stupid, because, as Ken Cuccinelli should know as Virginia's attorney general, in the incredibly unlikely event that someone could intentionally disobey the law and be prosecuted for doing so, by the time the process worked its way through the courts and the appeals and someone actually "went to jail" for it, we'll be having a completely different ridiculous debate in the mid-2020's.
"How can you call a man with 7 kids self righteous and arrogant? Have you ever tried to care for 7 children? Do you know what kind of humility that takes?" - "VA Conservative", replying to a comment criticizing Cuccinelli for staying on as attorney general while running for governor despite the time commitment and potential conflicts of interest.
I think it's time to review the official You Are Dumb rules for family size in the modern era.
You get two kids to replace yourselves, and that's fine. If you want a third one, that's OK, but you need to know that you're getting the third one as a hobby. the way the rest of us might get a train set or Sir Hammerlock's Big Game Hunt.
At four, you're crazy. Each one after four doubles the crazy. So at seven, that means Cooch has an 8X crazy multiplier. And it shows. And he might be moving up in the world of Republicans Who Eventually Discredit The Republican Party.